Apprentice humour

[R D S]

We've an apprentice, he's a lovely lad. But he moves at the pace of a glacier, I don't think he's ever put more than a hour in between breaks/lunch/bog visits, he can comprehensively f*ck up the simplest of tasks, we don't even get him to brew up.

The guy who visits him from the training place is here, unbeknown to me he had previously tasked him with carrying out a hazard assessment of his working environment and I quote, "He has done a very good job of highlighting ALL the hazards..." *

Good to see he has some skills then, he's plainly in the wrong job.

• Naturally i'm expecting a panning here as it sounds like we have him working in a death trap.

[Scott]

Former colleague of mine working as a legal apprentice was sent for by the senior partner on a Friday afternoon. 'XXX, I want you to go to the legal stationers and buy a pack of verbal agreement forms. Oh, and XXX, if they don't have any verbal agreement forms, oral agreement forms will do instead.' XXX was half way up the road when he realised what had happened.

[Dave Plowman (News)]

Sounds like the initial interviewing skills are poor. At work, I probably saw some several hundred trainees, and although they varied, none were useless. Interviews are important to select the best candidates. Needs to be a tradesman as well as HR on the board. That may sound expensive, but not so expensive as wasting time trying to train an unsuitable type.

[cpvh]

11::^*>>))

[Chris Hogg]

Sounds like the new lab assistant who was sent to the stores to get a box of benzene rings...

[Chris J Dixon]

I have probably told this tale before, but some years ago I was allocated a youngster on YTS (so actually being paid) to do clerical work. She seemed to have been swiftly moved on from other departments, and I think I was a last resort.

We will draw a veil over her complete failure to accept that, in her position, she was generally expected to do what was asked of her, when and in the manner instructed. Discussion was fine, but somehow the outcome was never taken on board. There seemed to be a curious misconception that I would not notice what was, or was not, happening.

She was doing an NVQ, and each week had various sheets to complete, which I had to countersign. One week the subject was use of the telephone. She duly completed her log, and presented it for authorisation. She had the brass neck to declare, for all to see, that at least 40% of the calls she had made were personal. I suggested that maybe she might like to present matters in what, to me, would seem a more favourable light, but she could see no problem. I signed as requested.

Her training supervisor also despaired of her. I cannot recall if she ever got her qualification, she certainly wasn't offered a job.

Chris

[tony sayer]

In article , Chris Hogg scribeth thus

Bin there - fave one at the old Pye TVT factory was a box of Amps;)...

[whisky-dave]

It wouldn't suprise me if these forms actually existed in admin, a form to sign after the verbal agreement, we have thios here, they are called appraisals.

[whisky-dave]

I often carry amps for friends in bands if they need help carrying stuff to the car.

[Graham.]

Is that the white-collar version of the old "Bag of grease nipples" ploy

[Broadback]

In the RAF apprenticed the 2 favourite were: blue/white striped Blanco and sent to stores for a long stand! Nothing much changes, this was 60+ years ago.

[FMurtz]

Spots for the spot welder.

[Adam Funk]

Ha! (To be fair, that *could* be a form you use to record your notes after a verbal agreement...)

[FMurtz]

My mother told me early in the piece that if they asked for striped paint, to get two colours and tell them to mix it themselves

[R D S]

I never said he was useless, and i'm sure he has potential.

I just thought it laughable that the only job he has excelled at of late is making me look like a ###t.

But maybe that's the easiest job he's been given, eh?

[T i m]

One of my longest standing (15 years) bosses used to do just that, interview potential technicians himself and in general he was able to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Then we got 'HR' and psychometric tests and a trail of 'strange people' who never seemed to last.

Cheers, T i m

[Dave Plowman (News)]

Yes - unless a huge company, he probably also knew the type that would fit in well with others on the team. Which can be just as important as simply doing the job.

Such tests were likely devised in an attempt to avoid having anyone who actually knew what they were doing on a board or whatever.

[Richard]

And he would be seen as discriminatory in today's climate.

[Brian Gaff]

Well that is rather cruel and I'd expect the enterprising person to make some up on his home machine get them copied and present them and the invoice to the partner. Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Are they like onion rings but soaked in petrol for that internal bar BQ taste? Brian