50 points to being a real man, apparently...

[John Rumm]

Dumb survey but still:

(apparently I failed... on 18, 31, 35, & 50)

[fred]

In article , John Rumm writes

Those are clearly trick questions, I think we both passed.

I think 10 counts as one too as the only correct answer can be zero :-)

[Bill Wright]

John Rumm wrote:

That is total bollocks written by someone who hasn't lived. Here's a better version:

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don?t deal in lies, Or being hated, don?t give way to hating, And yet don?t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream?and not make dreams your master; If you can think?and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you?ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ?em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ?Hold on!? If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings?nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds? worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that?s in it, And?which is more?you?ll be a Man, my son!

Bill

[dennis]

The correct answer is why do I need perfume? The woman chooses the perfume that turns her on, it has no good effect on men.

As for 18, I know the rule but I don't watch football and I don't care what the results are or if Chelsea are going to win.

Real men don't give a toss what a group of "experts" come up with either.

[Lobster]

On 14 Feb 2015, fred grunted:

+1

In any case, those are all a single question: "Gives a shit about about football"...

And where's Rugby in that quiz? Not that it would have made any difference to my score, but my late dad - a real man if ever there was one - was a complete fanatic and regarded football as a "game for pouffs". Mind you, I imagine the authors of this quiz would have instantly used that particular criterion to flag him as 'not a real man'...

[Dennis Davis]

...

Written[1] by Rudyard Kipling in 1895[2][3]. Hardly new stuff. Except, perhaps, to Torygraph journalists.

[1] See mum! My O-level in English Literature *is* of use! [2] [3]

[The Medway Handyman]

Exactly the same!

The flannelled fools at the wicket ... the muddied oafs at the goals etc.

[Huge]

Afraid not. I don't have O-level English Literature and I knew what it was.

And I prefer Robert Heinlein's definition;

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

[Nightjar]

Much the same, except that I do happen to know the offside rule and 1 doesn't apply as we have never married.

[Mike Barnes]

Oh yes I am a real man. Though I haven't changed a car's oil for decades and the procedure might have changed for all I know.

[spuorgelgoog]

1. How to tie up a tie

I tie a tie; isn't tying up something to do with Fifty Shades?

1. When to accept defeat and apologise

I never accept defeat and I never apologise.

Another 8 are aimed at car drivers. I don't drive, but I can ride a motorbike. Not that I have ever ridden one with a petrol light. Real men wiggle the bike and listen to the tank sloshing.

Owain

[Weatherlawyer]

Who is the smug nancy in your picture?

[Mr Pounder]

[Bill Wright]

Of course it's Rudyard Kipling. Everyone knows that! And why does it need to be new when it concerns the eternal verities?

And I'd guess that Telegraph journalists are quite well educated, unlike some I could mention.

Bill

[Bill Wright]

Incidentally, one of the most impressive people I every knew when it came to the manly virtues (compassion, reliability, industry, tolerance) was gay.

Bill

[John Rumm]

I think it was easy "news" - pretty much every paper and its dog carried the same story...

[John Rumm]

There was a moment where I though SWMBO was going to score better than me on that list since she claims to understand the offside rule. However on closer interrogation it seems she did not know about the need to fill the new oil filter prior to fitting when changing the oil ;-)

[dennis]

You don't so I guess you lose. In fact its impossible on many cars as the cartridge doesn't hang down and it would just spill out.

[Clive George]

Bugger, is that one down for me? I've never filled a new oil filter. I put some oil on the rubber seal, but that's it.

[Bill Wright]

What nonsense. What you do is fill it with water then put it in the freezer overnight. Then it doesn't spill when you fit it. Don't you know anything Denis?

Bill