A Compendium of Puntifications
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened criminal.
- Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
- We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
- What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
- I didn't know where the sun went at night, so I stayed up thinking about it until it dawned on me.
- I knew she was bulimic so I tried not to talk about food, but she kept bringing it up!
A tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103. When he died, he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.