A Compendium of Puntifications
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all
4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
6. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened
9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
10. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
12. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky
13. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
14. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
16. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
17. I didn't know where the sun went at night, so I stayed up thinking
about it until it dawned on me.
18. I knew she was bulimic so I tried not to talk about food, but she kept
bringing it up!
A tough old cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long
life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every
morning. The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103. When he died,
he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25
great-great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole where the crematorium used to
That is, defined by a politician, Otto Von Bismarck.
The electorate, by and large, reaps what it sews, and sews what it knows.
Our press corps do a better job at exposing corruption in third world
countries than at exposing corruption at home.
I for one, believe we deserve better. And yes, I do work towards that
goal. I don't just sit around whining about it.
I'm active politically, and believe that if more Americans knew just
what went on behind close doors, more of them would be too.
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