O/T: BANNED FROM WAL-MART

Enjoy
Lew

BANNED FROM WAL-MART, HOME DEPOT, ETC
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Stevens,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a ommotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against Mr. Stevens are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
01) June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
02) July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
03) July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
04) July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
05) August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
06) August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07) August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
08) August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
09) September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10) September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11) October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12) October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13) October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14) October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15) October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
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"Lew Hodgett" wrote

SWMBO laughed at all but #3 ... go figure.
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I thought # 3 was downright rude...and I'm not the squeamish type. Just not funny.
What is funny, and needs to be on the list, is what a friend of mine would do, if his wife was taking too long. He would go to the pharmacy and ask for skin-coloured Band-Aids. (He's from Jamaica and considered 'dark' by other Jamaicans.) He would always think that was the funniest thing evar! And when he cracked up, he'd take all the people around him with it...very addictive laughter.
(And Swing would appreciate this, he could squeeze more bandwidth out of a Willie Studer Revox B77 with 456 Ampex than any tech I knew.)
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"Robatoy" wrote

The **absolute best** analog, two track, mastering tape deck ever made, bar none!
But you've have to bake the Ampex 456 to run it past the heads after this many years ...
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Fabulous machine indeed, but Stephan Kudelski would like a word with you.<G>
I have used it often and only sold my B77 when I had an absolute steal on a Nagra (IV-S). The limit of 7" reels didn't hinder what I wanted it for and I liked its ability to record off batteries and that it could take my B&K 4133 mics straight in. A movie studio made an offer I couldn't refuse some 10 years later, and I had moved on to PCM at that point. I have always regretted that. http://tinyurl.com/6ye5af I got a little teary just now..

I have heard about that trick...and that it works. That's cool. I crashed a hard drive once, and recovered everything on it after freezing it first.
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wrote:

Fabulous machine indeed, but Stephan Kudelski would like a word with you.<G>
I have used it often and only sold my B77 when I had an absolute steal on a Nagra (IV-S). The limit of 7" reels didn't hinder what I wanted it for and I liked its ability to record off batteries and that it could take my B&K 4133 mics straight in. A movie studio made an offer I couldn't refuse some 10 years later, and I had moved on to PCM at that point. I have always regretted that. http://tinyurl.com/6ye5af I got a little teary just now..

I have heard about that trick...and that it works. That's cool. I crashed a hard drive once, and recovered everything on it after freezing it first.
Still have my B77, but don't get much use out of it these days. Extremely nice machine. Kerry
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They still look cool-as-all-get-out in the rumpus room on anybody's equipment shelf. Those big fat NAB hubs were the forerunners of today's 20" wheels...<G>
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