Pardon me, but I just couldn't pass this up and
want to share it with all the woodworker friends
on this forum. I believe we have all experienced
one or two of these.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the
room, splattering it against that freshly painted airplane
part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws
them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of
light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned
guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning
pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the
Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into
a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing
else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for
lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.
Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub
you want the bearing race out of.