With summer here, the sound of power tools is once again attracting neighborhood kids. Some of the "old hands" with a project under their belt are wanting to do something new, the younger ones quite happy to just play with the dust collector hose, making sawdust, chips and an occassional spider or fly disappear. Regretably, they sometimes make something vanish - that shouldn't - several small pieces of molding for a jewelry box, perhaps a small part of a jig, etc..
There are times when things happen which warrant, nay - demand
- some verbal expression - of surprise (OH SH*T!), of disapproval (WHAT THE F$&K ARE YOU DOING?!), disgust (SON-OF-A-B%TCH!) or satisfaction (D*mn that turned out nice.)
And that gets us to Shop Expletives - specifically - the "abridged" shop expletives. The last thing you need is an upset parent of one of your young shop helpers demanding to know if you were the one who taught their little darling to cuss.
Now there are those who say "Someone who cusses merely displays their ignorance, their sad lack of a good vocabulary and an inability to express themselves adequately." To which I say - "What a crock of crap!"
Cussing has a long and noble history - in every language - with special versions unique to each trade as well as universal terms and expressions "blue" in nature.
But there are times when such language is appropriate - and times when there's a need for "pre-cussing" - or cleaned up versions of Old Standards. Gosh Darn, Cheese and Rice, Son of a Gun, Oh FUDGE! Mortar Forker - when uttered in "mixed company" are easily and automatically translated to their "Adult Equivalent" - by adults
- while merely an interesting expression to youngsters.
Yet even the abridged versions of cussing may cause a parent some consternation when such words and terms are uttered - or shouted
- by their child - after they've spent some time in your shop.
So - if you're blessed with "summer helpers" and wish to avoid dealing with an upset parent of same, I give you - CRANUS - the Swiss Army Pocket Knife of cussing.
Oh CRANUS!
Get you cranus off my bench!
Be very careful with that thing cause it can take your cranus off in a new york minute (apparently New York has some special for of the time/space continuim).
Never point a cranus at ANYONE.
If you do that again I'm gonna kick your cranus.
Well you managed to really cranus that up - let's see how we can fix it.
Give your self a big pat on the back 'cause that piece you made is nearly cranus perfect!
Have YOU got some Shop Expletives suitable for mixed company?
charlie b