Plywood Lawn Deer Extinct?

[charlie b]

Well it seems it finally happened - the Plywood Lawn Deer appears to have been hunted to extinction. Not too long ago they were plentiful. A walk through the neighborhood, a drive to the store, even on a trip to the airport, you'd see at least one, often half a dozen or more. And their numbers seemed to increase dramatically around this time of year - the migration season I guess. Around Halloweeen, most of the woodworking magazines would have an article on them. A buzz about Plywood Lawn Deer would start here and threads would go on for weeks at a time. But this year . . .

Maybe they weren't hunted to extinction - but displaced by the Wire Framed Tiny Lights Lawn Deer - a more technologicly advanced species with which the Plywood Lawn Deer could not compete.

Their passing may be Mother Nature's way of warning us. Pukey Ducks and Cat Push Sticks may be endangered species at this moment. No one really knows how many are out there so we don't know if there's still a sustainable population or not. There's almost no data on their habitat requirements, food needs or their reproduction rates. Hell, I can't find anything on their life span.

If you actually see a Plywood Lawn Deer, please post the siting, date, time of day, weather conditions, location (part of what state - ie. central Iowa, northern South Carolina, southern North Carolina etc.), size (in inches, feet or "hands"), number of "points" if any and probable gender.

Maybe it's not too late for the Plywood Lawn Deer. Time to mobilize, organize, start a lobbying group, collect donations, take out full page ads in local papers, start a speakers list and send it to all the other organizations - Kiwanis, Elks, VFW - and CHURCHES. Save one of God's creations from extinction. On second thought, forget churches, extinction would conflict with Intelligent Design. What god would create something that couldn''t fit in? Way too close to the E-word (Evolution).

Aw screw 'em. They were tough and splintery, even the fat healthy ones.

Never mind.

charlie b

We need a slogan - something people will remember. Save The Whale worked fairly well.

[marc rosen]

[Joe Bemier]

It's Saw Stop, Charlie. Nobody can rip down Lawn Deer Plywood anymore because the dumb saw misfires everythime they try. Evidently it cannot tell the difference between Lawn Deer and operator.

[J T]

Fri, Dec 22, 2006, 7:12pm (EST-3) [e-mail] (charlie=A0b) doth warn us thusly: Their passing may be Mother Nature's way of warning us. Pukey Ducks and Cat Push Sticks may be endangered species at this moment.

Not if I have anything to say about it. Even as you read this I am instigating federal protection for Pukey Ducks.

JOAT Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.

- Eric Hoffer

[Mike O.]

We mostly have plywood cows here which I guess are for feeding those cowboys you see leaning against the building.

Mike O.

[Prometheus]

You'll be happy to hear that my town is already a pukey duck preserve. Seems like every other house has something decidely pukey on prominent display- everything from the classic leaning cowboy silouette to vertiable herds of foam rubber deer accompanied by any number of other plywood forest animals and old ladies' bottoms. There are also a lot of "faces" nailed to trees.

But the guy across the street has achieved the absolute height of yard art- a plastic nativity scene with a bald, black plywood Santa at least twice as tall as the people around the manger leaning over the baby while looking decidedly hungry. Behind that, a largish plywood snowman is supervising the whole deal (presumably to make sure the hungry Santa doesn't get riled up and eat the baby Jesus.) Kinda makes me wish I had a camera, it's sheer genius.

But this raises another thing I've been wondering about... do chainsaw bears count as pukey ducks as well? Does it add to the artistic value when the neighbor has his chained around one leg and padlocked to the porch railing? :)

[DonkeyHody]

Yes Virginia, there are Plywood Lawn Deer. They exist as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Plywood Lawn Deer! It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS.

Plywood Lawn Deer are not extinct. They have merely migrated South. Here, they are not a just a passing fad, but it seems they have found a permanent place in the hearts of the native population. We love our Plywood Lawn Deer so much that some allow them to frolic in the front yard year-round! This may well be their ancestral home, for we still occasionally see a few of their evolutionary forebearers, the Firewood Lawn Deer with Fallen Branch Antlers.

No Plywood Lawn Deer! Thank GOD! They live, and live forever. A thousand years from now, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, they will continue to make glad the hearts of folks everywhere.

DonkeyHody With apologies to Francis Pharcellus Church

[Warren Weber]

(snip) I don't need a plywood deer. Real ones feed off our lawn and Russian Olive trees every day. Much more pleasing. W W

[Dave Jackson]

I got the last one around here a couple weeks ago. You should have seen the faces of the others at the check station when I turned in the urban deer tag. :) --dave

[J T]

Sat, Dec 23, 2006, 12:16pm (EST-1) [e-mail] (Prometheus) doth sayeth: You'll be happy to hear that my town is already a pukey duck preserve.

But this raises another thing I've been wondering about... do chainsaw bears count as pukey ducks as well? Does it add to the artistic value when the neighbor has his chained around one leg and padlocked to the porch railing? :)

Perhaps I'm operating on a different level from others on this subject.

I break it down to pukey ducks, which I'm dedicated to get federal protection for. These are ducks. Not deer, not Santas, or any of the other pukey stuff, just pukey ducks.

Then there's pukey yard art, which covers the plywood deer, plastic flaminos, and all the rest of that ilk. This seems to be an alien attempt to degrade our intelligence, and seems to be working. Some of it has class, some doesn't, most doesn't.

Then there's chainsaw carvings. This can be a delicate subject. Some of it's definite art. And some of it's just plain pukey yard art. Sometimes very hard to differentiate. These have to be judged on an individual basis. Hmm, that's be a good subject for our politicians, should keep 'em busy for years. Personally, my chainsawn Tikis qualify as art. Not great art perhaps, but art - they satisfy my sould, and that's pretty much the definition of art.

As for the neighbor, you weren't really clear on that. Is it the chainsaw, or the neighbor's leg, that's chained up?

JOAT It's not hard, if you get your mind right.

- Granny Weatherwax

[mjmwallace]

charlie b:

There's a "herd" of them on North High St, Sebastopol, CA. We're about 45min north of the Golden Gate. Went by too fast to count the "points", but they were spotted in color - brown and black (?).

If anyone is around this area, it's near the Post Office. Turn left off Willow to High and they should be right there.

I think there was group of six.

MJ Wallace