SWMBO comes home with a 'glider-style' exercise machine.
It is in the back of the van and she asks me to help her drag it into
The machine is all boxed 'flat' and it becomes my job to assemble it.
It is a pretty simple job and when it is completed I call her over and
ask her: "Do you want me to put it in front of the refrigerator door?"
Rob---> who sometimes speaks before he thinks.
ALWAYS engage brain BEFORE operating mouth.
There is no correct answer to "Do these pants make
my butt look big?" so find a florist and see if you
can get some kind of quantity discount or a discount
card like Barnes and Noble have. Try and vary
the number, color and types of flowers you get for
any one occassion. This will postpone the inevitable
jump up to jewelry. Jewelers know that you know
flowers aren't going to work anymore and that
they've got you by the short curlies. If you look
carefully over the inside door frame you will see
"Give up all hope, ye who pass through this portal".
It's there - look for it.
( a former spouse AND a jeweler on the side)
ps "Well, you don't sweat much for a fat broad." IS NOT,
repeat IS NOT going to be taken as a compliment
even if you sincerely meant it as a compliment.
At least that's what one of my former co-workers
So, "No, but your butt makes those pants look big" would be a bad
answer there? Just checking.
Is that next to the sign that says "Diamonds...she'll pretty much
Next someone is going to tell me that, when asked for a professional
referance, it's not acceptable to say "Well, for someone who smells as
bad as he does, he didn't steal as much as we thought he would"?
"Not so long as shoving fifty pounds of ass into a ten pound bag is
the look you're going for."
Thomas J. Watson - WoodDorker
tjwatson1ATcomcastDOTnet (real email)
Some of the GEICO snippet commercials are pretty good. The most
hilarious one yet starts with a guy engrossed in the newspaper over
breakfast. His wife comes out of the bedroom straightening her dress
and asks, "does this dress make me look fat?"
Guy, concentrating on his paper, says, "you betcha."
Wife, gives THE LOOK, and turns sharply back into the bedroom as the
guy sort of comes to the realization that he should have paid more
attention while the announcer in voiceover says, "in less time than it
takes to get out the sleeper sofa..."
Master Woodbutcher and seasoned termite
Shamelessly whoring my website since 1999
This is very true. A friend of mine bought one of those excercise
stations for weight lifting. He and his SWMBO were going to get
themselves in shape. Some weeks later I saw the machine again, only
this time it's covered with laundry. And not just a few shirts, it
looked like the whole wardrobe.
Yup, very very true. Mom has one of those big multi-station all-in-one
weight things. It's a coat rack, a hat rack, and a drying rack all in one.
By the time you get done moving everything off of it to exercise, you've
already gotten enough exercise, so it seems kind of pointless.
Michael McIntyre ---- Silvan < email@example.com>
Linux fanatic, and certified Geek; registered Linux user #243621
A few years back SWMBO and I were watching TV and Sophia Loren appeared.
SWMBO remarked, "I wish I could look like that when I'm in my 60's.
Without thinking I answered, "I wish you looked like that now."
What a blunder!!!
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