Taken from the St. Crispen's Day Speech: William Shakespeare, 1599
Enter the KING
LORD SCHMALL: O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in Wreckdom
That do no wooddorking to-day!
KING. What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Schmall? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to dork, we are enow
To do our passtime; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
Nahm's will! I pray thee, wish not one Dorker more.
By Nahm, I am not covetous for Hondouran Mahogany,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cutoffs;
It yearns me not if my tools be from Harbor Freight;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet wooddorking time,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from Wreckdom.
Nahm's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one Dorker more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Lord Schmall, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this Dorking,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And LV Gift Certificates for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that Dork's company
That fears his fellowship to bleed with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Nahm.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Nahm.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Nahm's.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Nahm's day.'
Old Dorkers forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Nahm the King, Underhill and Klausz,
Dresdner and Jewitt, Krenov and Frid-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Nahm's Day shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of Dorkers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
Make him a member of the gentry, even if he is a commoner.
And gentlemen in Wreckdom now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That Dorked with us upon Saint Nahmie's day.
Before the Battle of Scary-Sharp,
25 October 1415
Henry V, Act 4, Scene 3
(I've thought upon the idea of the Ring Trilogy - cf Wagner, et al.
I've gone for other Rings and Freudo shall be my hero -
"One Tool to rule them all, One Tool to find them,
One Tool to bring them all and in their Dorkness bind them."
(Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.)
Thomas J. Watson-Cabinetmaker
Gulph Mills, Pennsylvania 19428