Unedited!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can >top this one: >
>Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
>legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss Thinks >I'm lying. >
>On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
>because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply Mentioned that
>I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
>the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy To explain the
>bandage on the top of my head.
>
>The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
>wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new
>acquisition was no problem.
>
>Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I
>heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
>
>"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come Reset it." >
>"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
>pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
>
>"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts Going and sucks >me in?" >
>There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll Only take you a
>second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, Hoping that my
>silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
>behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I Squatted down and stuck
>my head under the sink to find the button. It Is the last action I remember >performing.
>
>It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
>circumstances.
>
>No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
>teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
>objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the
>corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
>moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
>offered, and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
>
>I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
>blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of
>a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced
>with a "fight or flight" syndrome.
>
>Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know
>this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when
>the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact
>knocked me out cold.
>
> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
>are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
>kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" >paramedics. >
>Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the Paramedics
>were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the
>while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... ... and not >succeeding. > >
> Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
>back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
>me about my head injury I kept silent, Claiming it was too painful to
>talk about,which it was.
>
>"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
>
>If they only knew!
>
>
>Why is it that only the women laugh at this?