The Intercom here ...

[gareth evans]

The intercom here is based on technology, still functioning, that it nearly 90 years old, the Tele F field telephones.

Parts of the phones are described in Herbert and Proctor, the books from which Atkinson's Telephony was derived.

Advances in communications have obsoleted my repertoire of telephony jokes, eg, ...

Q. What should you do if a herd of elephants is charging towards you?

A. Make a trunk call and reverse the charge!

Q. Now Miss, can you use a Diktaphone?

A. Certainly not. I use a pencil just like everyone else!

[Owain Lastname]

You just have to update them for the 2020s.

Are you drunk, Mr Jones? No Mr Smith, it's just my webcam's a bit wobbly.

If you are working from the Bahamas Miss Evans we are paying you too much! I'm not, it's my virtual background.

I want to speak to someone in the UK!

- I am in the UK. No you're not, I can see the Taj Mahal through your office window.

- That's my virtual background. I live in London and can't afford a real window.

I've received a complaint that you were exposing yourself to a customer

- No, the cat wason the desk and shoved its arse into the webcam

Not great but the best I could do on the spur of the moment.

Owain