My wife's previous boss is a rabid Arsenal fan - has season ticket etc. Has two kids - boy and girl. His surname is Loizou.
They each have six forenames. The boy's are Andrew Robert Stephen Edward Nicholas Adam - or similar. Same pattern for the girl.
Sad, or what?
And my wife grew up in Tottenham so they never got on!
You could wash the mains appliances in the dishwasher. Brownie points for doing what youre not allowed to.
NT
Didn't she leave you a list?
Put the Medway Handyphone on divert to Desmond.
Owain
There were time pressures Dear, but I managed to finish off the clothes in the dryer.
Do you always use 110 minutes? I used 40 and found the clothes too dry to iron. I had to spray them with water to remove the creases.
forgotten?
don't
I forgot:
Drink the beer straight from the can. Gently crush the cans (when empty!) and leave in the take away containers.
You have a door in your boxer shorts?
Find the glasses for when you've used all the coffee cups. Buy paper plates for when you've dirtied all the crock ones. Check on the baked bean situation. Arrange a 'lady of the night' for Tuesday. Throw out all of the crud, plastic bottles, ex-chinese take-away tots. Dump all the plastic bags full of crap. I could have a field day but I mustn't go on, it's depressing ;)
It could be worse - so many people in Liverpool were giving their children the surnames of the Liverpool squad (as Christian names!) that the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths went on the record in the Liverpool Echo pleading with people to stop doing it!
How about carefully removing the living room carpet, laying a new one then carefully overlaying the old one on top but with beer, food and vomit stains all over it?
When "her indoors" balks at the sight of this terrible mess, take up the old carpet revealing the pristine new one underneath.
Drawback: cost of the new carpet.
In message , brass monkey wrote
She's only been away for a day and....
What, a handy man?
On Sat, 12 Jun 2010 03:06:04 +0100, John Rumm wibbled:
It's not his hand I'm worried about...
Thus spake The Medway Handyman ( snipped-for-privacy@no-spam-blueyonder.co.uk) unto the assembled multitudes:
Leave used pants lying on the floor, especially those with skidmarks. No need to suppress burps and farts - just let 'em rip. No need to iron shirts before wearing. Befriend the spider that has taken up residence in the bath.
switch off the dishwasher.
And close all the windows to save heating.
And all the lights she will have left on.
take her PC off the continuously updating sites she's left it connected to, and turn it off.
take 60% of the shoe cupboard and sell it on e-bay. She will never notice.
throw away all the eco products and replace with decent ones that work, and all those sexy lo fat (but exceptionally high sugar) cereals and yoghurts.
Boxed set of Fred Dibnah DVDs and a big back of Pork Scratchings.
Owain
Even better would be one of those bouncy Latvian blondes who does house cleaning in a maid's uniform.
Kill two stones with, erm, one bird. And the Mrs would be so impressed with the house when she returned ...
Owain
Spend each evening wearing her underwear...you know you want to!
mark
Hope he's got someone to give him a hand draping that flag across the front of the house.
Or just turf it?
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