In article , Zikki Malambo writes
I've got it. The one, final difference between men and women. I know now what it is. SMELL. Who would have known? I thought there might be some deep spiritual wiring that made women as mysterious as they are, and men as clueless, but no. It's all a matter of odors. I lay out before you my new theory: Given 1: Women smell good. Whether by nature or by their own cunning device, women just smell good. I've often asked female friends to just roll around on our carpet to leave a pleasant odor in our apartment though I haven't had any takers. And why do they smell so nice? I don't know. The better question is why won't they roll around on my carpet? Given 2: Men smell bad. We try, you know. We do shower daily. Most of us even use soap. But the odors are unstoppable (though likely we're just re-applying them after the shower by using that dang stinky towel we forgot to wash AGAIN), whether they be sweat-, breath-, or flatulence-based stenches. Given 3: Women like nice smells. Go to the mall. Count the number of "Bath and Body," "Fragrances R Us," and "Candlerama" stores. There is no limit to the number of smelly-good things that women will collect and enjoy. Given 4: Women DON'T like bad smells. We're getting to a point, honest. What do they say when there's a foul odor emanating from a suspicious room? "Eww, don't go in there!" What do men say? "Eww, dude, get a wiff of this!" That brings us to... Given 5: Men like smells, period. If it smells, it's A-Ok by us. Cinnamon rolls, bacon, pizza, GREAT! Perfume, incense, mint, AWESOME! That's pretty clear. But even if it's nasty, there's an entertainment value that leaves us just giggling like school girls "Dude, that REEKS! [insert giggle here]"
Now then, taking these basic given facts, do we see the underlying psychology that would naturally come into play as each gender fulfils its odour-roles? I'll delineate further: John smells Suzie. She smells good (1). He likes odor (5), so he wants to spend time with her, as she provides an abundant source of odor. Suzie, in hopes that a relationship will mean a plentiful supply of roses (nice-smelling ones) and sweet-smelling chocolate and excuses to wear perfume (3) , accepts an offer to spend time with John. The First Date. Later, Suzie is dismayed that her supply of nice odours has not come, and she's spent time with a stinky, stinky boy (2,4) without being properly rewarded. She suggests a chance to spend more time with him, but he wants to play sports he knows that it will mean getting sweaty and stinky, and stinky is a smell, and he likes smells (5)
The Conflict. Among the options available at this point is a home-made dinner by Suzie. Lasagna, French bread, Martinelli's Mormon Champagne a virtual feast of odours. Overwhelmed by the sensation of so many odours, John becomes a docile addict, giddily bringing sweet-smelling gifts to Suzie. Resolution #1. Another option: Dump John's stinky self and move on to Bill, with a new perfume that will surely entice him to bringing her the requisite fragrant gifts. Resolution #2. Another option: Forget trying to squeeze sweet-smelling water from a big stinky rock, and go home with some Ben & Jerry's and watch "Scents and Sensibility." Resolution #3. Doesn't it all make sense now? Can we see the way the problems in relationships could be solved by the proper conveyance of odours? She's mad? Get flowers. He's distant? Get perfume. I'm a genius.