Cats - how to get rid if them

[Mary Fisher]

But as I've said, children turn into adults. Cats stay as cats for often longer than it takes children to grow up.

I'd drown 'em all at birth. Cats and children.

Mary

[Peter Parry]

If it's a Schrodinger cat it can.

[Dave Liquorice]

But not while I'm looking. Hum, how could you time things such that it's in mid perfomance amongst the Petunias when you look in the box?

[Peter Parry]

Wouldn't work, well know that cats can be in several places at once.

[David]

In article , Andy Hall writes

Yes I'm sure that would work for us as well if we chose to have cats

[David]

In article , Andy Hall writes

I think you will find that one of the causes of reducing wild bird numbers has been identified as our increasing cat population (as well as loss of habitat, use of pesticides etc), there's a report on the web somewhere, I'm a way for a week or so, I will have a look for it when I come back.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Our cats are definitely schroedinger cats. They become virtual in the wink of an eye, only to colasesce into 100% probability around the cat reality nexus, known as a full bowl of go-cat..

>

[The Natural Philosopher]

It's all a bit speculative really. Sure cats kill birds, but then so do many other things. Loss of habitat is the real killer. Modern farming has favoured teh wood pigeon, and round here also the deer population.

Losss of horse population and grazing pastures also leads to loss of certain species who find established grassland and dung useful.

I have noticed a great shift in bird populations here recently - lots of 'rare' specuies turning up, and teh more 'common' ones looking ararer by comparison.

[Jerry Built]

No it isn't.

Erm, so because "many other things" kill birds it's OK that cats do (normally in a nasty way, too) ? I don't think so.

Cats/magpies/crows/squirrels all kill birds. The big problem with cats is that they kill adult birds. All these causes can be reduced by the application of small pieces of lead, or judicious trapping.

It's part of it.

J.B.

[geoff]

Aah - you need to read up on quantum tunnelling

[geoff]

In message , Peter Parry writes

That's Heisenberg's certainty principle, that is

[Dave Liquorice]

I've never had a trouble with quantum cats crapping on my petunias only "real" ones.

I'm willing to take the risk that once the "real" cat is sealed into the box it or a quantum version isn't going to crap on my petuinas.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Ah. That's how they get into the bath EVERY morning and leave 'messages' but are never there when you open the door...

[The Natural Philosopher]

Don't bet on it mate. Cats in boxes are like electrons in crystal. You will create a cat 'hole' that warps feline space, and another one will appear out of the quantum mist to crap in exactly the same place.

Anyway its a well known fact that the reason Stephen Hawking has that fixed glassy stare was when he was watching a black cat doing just that..."black hole, singularity? No..time reverses itself and all the shit comes OUT of the black Hole Eureka! Big Bang!"

[Andy Hall]

That's easily cured. Show them how the shower works. They won't go into the bathroom any time soon after that.

.andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

[The Natural Philosopher]

That is the chief worry. If they don't tunnel there, where else might they go?

[tony sayer]

Cats and dog's have a laugh..

Enjoy..

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! 9:30 a.m.Oh, boy! A car ride! My favourite! 9:40 a.m.Oh, boy! A walk! My favourite! 10:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favourite! 11:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favourite! 1:00 p.m.Oh, boy! The yard! My favourite! 4:00 p.m.Oh, boy! To the park! My favourite! 5:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite! 5:30 p.m.Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favourite! 6:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favourite! 6:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favourite! 8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ....xx

[Andy Hall]

Send them to the neighbours. Ah. that's where we came in......

.andy

To email, substitute .nospam with .gl

[Mary Fisher]

Brilliant!

Mary

[Peter Twydell]

The neighbour's cat once appeared in our wardrobe.