Bah Humbug!

Thank heavens it's Xmas at last!

After 15 magic gigs and a host of customers all wanting jobs done before Xmas I'm bloody knackered.

Seasons greetings to all on UK DIY.

Reply to
The Medway Handyman
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Make hay when the snow falls

Likewise. Having completely ignored crimbo until yesterday afternoon, I'm now ready for festivities to commence ...

Reply to
Andy Burns

best mate is on call out.

3 so far: south staffs, north derbys and lincoln central. that's gotta hurt.

jingle ya bells !

Reply to
.

Which did you enjoy the more though?

Happy Christmas, Dave.

Reply to
Andy Hall

Can't claim to have avoided it until just yesterday, but it was largely passing me by until about 10 to 14 days ago. Luverly being able to start enjoying the season[1] when there's only a couple of weeks left.

We agreed years ago not to bother with pressies[2] - we just go and buy what we want when we want it. That takes no end of pressure off, and we both finish up with what we want!

[1] No, no, I just can't quite bring myself to say........ [2] Only just this minute remembered to sign the card that's been hiding under Yellow Pages in a drawer in the study!
Reply to
The Wanderer

And to you Dave - congratulations on your well-deserved prosperity, may it long continue.

Reply to
Steve Walker

Andy Hall wrote:

To be honest I enjoy both, but Xmas magic gigs tend to be rather trying in general. I published this last year on a magic group;

Some simple guidelines to make your company Xmas party a success!

1.. Book the venue 6 months ahead, but leave the booking of the magician till the last minute. 2.. Make sure you book a venue that does not appear on any road map! 3.. If this is not possible, seek out a venue at the edge of a page or under a staple in the map book. 4.. Make sure there are absolutely NO parking facilities for at least a ten-mile radius around the venue! 5.. Have the close up magician arrive at least an hour before any guests arrive. If the venue is inside London's congestion charge zone, request that he arrive there no later than 18.30. 6.. As a rule of thumb, one close up magician can be expected to entertain at least 450 guests. 7.. Don't worry if you only have a small party, close up magicians have enough tricks to entertain eight people for two hours 8.. Have a free bar for at least an hour before dinner. Extend this to an hour and a half. 9.. Make sure the bar area is 'cosy'. As a guide, 10 people per square yard is about right. Make sure there is nowhere to put drinks down. 10.. Delay dinner by another half an hour. 11.. If you have booked 'Strolling Magic', for your reception, ensure you have enough waiters with trays of canapés to interrupt the magician every 20 seconds or so. 12.. Get the boss to make a really interesting & humorous speech lasting for 15 minutes halfway through. 13.. Have a strict seating plan. Friends can easily talk to each other by wandering aimlessly about the restaurant between courses. 14.. Cram as many people on each table as possible. Weld the chairs together to make this easier. On no account should any space be left on the table. 15.. The temperature in the restaurant should be at least 95 degrees centigrade. 16.. The lighting should be so low that it is impossible to see anything. 17.. Make sure the restaurant only employs waiting staff with no grasp of English. 18.. Have a disco playing background music during the meal. A Military aircraft at take-off is 140 decibels. Aim for a little above that. 19.. Get the boss to make a 25-minute speech just before the main course is served. 20.. Organise raffles or games to keep people occupied throughout the meal. 21.. Have plenty of party poppers on the tables. Failing that, small hard bread rolls make a dual-purpose substitute. They can be eaten or thrown. 22.. Forget to bring the magicians cheque, he won't mind waiting until after Christmas.

And to you matey.

Reply to
The Medway Handyman

Thanks matey. Not so sure about the prosperous bit - most of the extra will go to Gordon Brown :-)

Seasons greeting to you & your family.

Reply to
The Medway Handyman

I can't wait for Wednesday..

I loathe it more as time goes by.

It's worse than having the World Cup on.

Reduced to watching te 'world at war' today - the ONLY channel that was free of all references to Christmas..

Reply to
The Natural Philosopher

The work of the devil I reckon. A festival celebrating all that is ghastly about the human race

Reply to
Stuart Noble

Isn't it bad planning, having Christmas at such a busy time!

I'm saving that in my chuckle file, with your permission :-)

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

Please do! I promise every single thing has happened to me personally!

Reply to
The Medway Handyman

I'd believe even without all the wine and wine and sherry and wine and rum and wine and whisky to come - oh, and port.

Yes, we're old - that means that we enjoy ourselves with the best.

I hope you do too - but you probably won't have enjoyed eating a hand reared cockerel!

Mary

Reply to
Mary Fisher

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