Traps come in various styles, and with a minimum amount of shopping, you can usually find one that fits your needs. I have a Hav-a-Cow trap. It comes with a teenager screaming at the top of her lungs attachment. I use this when the basement door does not get closed and latched. CY: Do you know where I can get a Hav-A-Friek atachment that closes refrigerator doors?
It comes in most handy with poor unsuspecting black snakes. The last one actually looked at me then shook its head in pity when I took it back out to the wood pile where it could be more comfortable. CY: Baited with watermellon and jive CDs, you can get different types of snakes.
Last Friday I got a Hav-A-Heart Attack/Seizure-Then-Sprain-My-Ankle Trap for the hornets nest that appeared in the garden over night. It has no remote control, but seems to work better the louder you yell F**k while running towards the pond. It causes family members to laugh uncontrollably while watching from the kitchen window. CY: ARe you sure one of the family members wasn't pushing the buttons on the Remote Control Hav-A-Wasp nest? New batteries, and almost 100 foot range.
This brings us to the ones I keep in the house. We have a Hav-You-Forgotten-Our-Last-Discussion? Trap. My wife uses it most of the time with mixed results. God help me if she ever figures out the proper technique. CY: And the close relative, the Hav-You-Got-what-I-Asked trap, usually when the man is coming home from work or sports.
The Hav-I-Got-Any-Clean-Socks Trap hasn't been used in a couple of weeks. I spring it on my wife from time to time, just to see if she's awake. It has never worked. I don't know why I use it, because the noise it makes could wake the dead. It causes my wife's lips to flap up and down really fast, and the vein in her forehead to bulge. The only thing ever caught with it is hell. CY: Doesn't that one end up with you trapped in an upside down laundry basket?
I may have to substitute the Hav-You-No-Sense-Of-Responsibility? Trap on the kids to fill the gap. CY: Bet the folks at the Gap love you when you try to rescind their credit card.
I also acquired a "Hav-a-Heart-Turned-To-A-Bloody-Pulp" trap that comes in sizes just big enough to load in a .30-.06 Winchester. When used remotely, it can lure anything smaller than an elephant from a range of 100 to 300 yards. CY: I usually use hollow point, Hav-A-Exploding-Heart device, less of a trap than a device.
One drawback is that it doesn't work well at all on hornets or blacksnakes. CY: Ah, but that's why the extended range. That's the time when you use the Hav trap while your upset spouse is walking past the hornets nest. That's the Hav-I-Got-You-Back-Lately trap.
I see lots of other traps at the grocery store, the post office, the gas station, and various other places. I have learned to borrow one I like for a short period of time before I buy into it. It is mildly entertaining, and certainly cheaper than hiring a professional! CY: The one at the grand parents house is especially funny with the kids. You know, the Hav-A-Turn-Pulling-My-Finger trap. Use with adequate ventilation.