I will be building an outhouse this spring at our mountain cabin. I want to make it the common two holer, one side with a crescent moon in the door, the other door with a star, according to 19th century practice.
I have decided to make the outhouse unique that I would put on various decorations and things that one would find on the roof of a house or building. These may be junk items, garage sale treasures, or really anything creative, funny, artsy, scientific, or just plain stupid.
I have some ideas, but would like to hear from everyone in case I have overlooked something obvious. I won't post my ideas, as everyone will have a clean slate to suggest what they would put.
I want to put so many items that it will seem like the base of an underground bunker or CIA shack.
When the outhouse is completed, pictures will be posted for all to see. The poster with the most unusual item that goes on it will receive a framed picture to post in THEIR outhouse.
Several years ago I had an outhouse (one-holer) for use during construction, and during the project we had several cookouts/parties. Someone nailed up a big sheet of scrap pale yellow formica on the inside of the door with a magic marker on a string. Some of the graffiti was memorable, and we still have it hanging in the garage where additions are made often by friends and visitors. Try it - it will be fun!
I'd print out every message ever posted to this newsgroup and wallpaper the inside with it. Just think of all the fun reading you could have while taking a dump.
Dont forget no outhouse is complete without a titty calendar such as Playboy. Of course, if you want really big t*ts, get a cow calendar.
Plus, in the old days, toilet paper holders were all made out of horse shoes.
Remember, the ladies need their Kotex dispenser. (filled with ketchup coated rags)
And what bathroom is complete without a "Pleasure" Condom Dispenser (in multiple colors and some that have fur on them).
Since it's a 2 holer, be sure to put signs that read MEN and WOMEN above the holes. (and for those who are not sure, "Please go out back".).
If you want some real excitement, put a strobe light under the seat and a switch on each hole. When someone sits down, they can have a psychedelic experience !!!!!
Then too, there is the "fear this" sign, which reads "Has anyone seen Joe Smith? Joe entered this door in 1992 and has never been seen since. If you see him in here, please tell the managment".
Since it dont flush, you MUST post a sign that reads "Flush Twice, it's a long way to Washington".
Then, there is the "Emergency Kit". Make a little wooden box with glass on the front and a tiny hammer below. Label it "Break Glass in case of Emergency". In that box place something that would be considered an emergency item, such as a can of beer, cigarette, or most appropriate, a spare roll of toilet paper.
Of course, a donation box "Pay Toilet" sign, with a little slot for those pennies and $1000 bills.
And on the wall, you definately must have a hose. Under the hose, a sign that reads "Use in case of fire, or in case YOUR hose wont work".
A fake door with the words "ELEVATOR" and an arrow pointing UP. (Drunks and blondes will try to use it.... )
Since you got the elevator, you may as well have "elevator music". All songs on the CD must be about "shittin' " (or at least be some really shitty music).
Don't forget the Michael Jackson dart board and darts.....
And the real charmer. Get one of those phoney surveilance cameras that do nothing but light up a red light on the front. Mount it directly above the door. pointing at the holes. That ought to get a little attention...... (If you dont have power in there, convert the bulb to a 12 volt or a couple D cells.
Now, when I was a kid, my uncle took a automotive ignition coil and mounted it to a chair. The seat was positive, the arm rests negative, and a large capacitor powered it. That would be a fun way to excite your guests when they get their butts naked and reach for the steel (horseshoe) toilet paper holder.
However, you might want to go hi-tech. Take an old keyboard, mouse and a floppy disk drive and mount it on the wall with a pullout shelf for the keyboard. Then take a picture of your computer screen after you get the "Blue Screen of Death", frame it, so it looks like a monitor, and hang that on the wall.
Finally, dont forget the most famous restroom graffitti words of all time. "He who writes on shithouse walls should roll his shit into little balls, and he who reads these words of wit, must eat those little balls of shit......"
1 - obligatory crooked rickety tin vent with cone top
2 - clothespins on strings "for protection from hazardous gases"
3 - giant fake flush lever on side
Lucky you! I don't recall "toilet paper" in the outhouse: there was always an "old" "Sears and Roebuck" catalog with torn pages...
Oren "My doctor says I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."
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