A lady posted the following profile on a dating service I sometimes access:
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Built in 1955. One owner from 1974-2006. Traditional in style with potential for redesign. Structure partially renovated in 2008, with additional improvements in progress. Structurally sound, good condition except age appropriate wear & tear. Foundation shaken in 2006, but expertly repaired by Man Above Foundation Repair & warranted for a lifetime. Circuit breakers properly amped. Warning: lights come on brightly & early every morning & dim in the evening unless manually controlled. All cast iron plumbing still functioning as intended. Sold "as is" subject to minor improvements at request of new owner. Prospective purchasers are encouraged to thoroughly inspect before entering into a contract.
This fine offering also comes staffed with part-time cook, housekeeper, gardener, wait staff, & masseuse. However, she will still maintain her career & will require time off for travel, occasional fine dining, theater, live music, dancing, church, lounging by the pool or on the beach & spending time with family & friends.
Prospective purchasers shall meet the following minimum requirements: Will be last-time buyer, credit worthy, physically & fiscally fit & active enough to maintain the property in its present or improved condition. Be witty, possess a sense of humor & adventure, be articulate, considered a friend & family man, a Christian. Indoor pets (especially cats) not readily accepted, but will be considered on case-by-case basis--not necessarily a deal maker or a deal breaker. Other qualities & compensating factors(*) will be reviewed & considered upon request.
Subject is low maintenance & affordably priced. Don't miss this investment opportunity of a lifetime. Shown by appointment only.
(*) Compensating factors defined: Buyers that are tall, pictured with their kids, parents, grandkids. Buyers that have more meat & muscle than the subject property. Buyers that are well connected to family & friends.
UPDATE: Real Estate in Houston is alive & well! Possibly the best way to invest your most valuable assets for the greatest return you'll ever know.
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I'm going shopping.