On aging

[Dean Hoffman]

Copied from another group:

*?Sixty is the worst age to be,? said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!?

?Ah, that?s nothin?,? said the 70-year-old. ?When you?re seventy, you can?t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin? comes out!?

?Actually,? said the 80-year-old, ?Eighty is the worst age of all.?

?Do you have trouble peeing too?? asked the 60-year- old.

?No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.?

?Do you have trouble crapping?? ?No, I crap every morning at 6:30.?

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, ?Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at

6:30. So what?s so tough about being 80??

?I don?t wake up until 7:00.?

[Eric in North TX]

Perhaps the 70 year old should look into Bowell cleansing (Mucoid plaque removal)

[Roy]

=3D=3D Why would anyone want to clean ones bowel? Its self-cleaning most of the time. Mother nature never intended for artificial cleansing of one's excretory system. Never mind the mucoid plaque...that is bullshit.

=3D=3D

[Vic Smith]

There's an incredibly stupid commercial with somebody called something like the "bowel lady." I flip away when ever it comes on. You're right about bullshit. Plaque? Next they'll be selling bowel floss so you can floss your ass. Just eat what makes you shit normal, that's all.

--Vic

[norminn]

I had a neighbor who talked about colonic cleansing - removing "toxins", etc. I've been intimately familiar with quite a few colons and their cleansing needs as a nurse, but plaque? My neighbor had s--- for brains, so perhaps the s--- was floating above the plaque. He used to mention that he didn't wear underwear, too. I didn't keep his company by choice :o)

[hallerb]

fleet phospho soda a tiny bottle will clean anyone totally out.

i had to take it before weight loss surgery 9 years ago, which worked great.

stay very close tob toilet, fleet phospho costs under 3 bucks

drink lots of water the fast exit can dehydrate you

[The Daring Dufas]

My roommate has the remainder of a gallon of Go-Lightly in the fridge. He wasn't able to drink the whole gallon but what he was able to down, turned him in to a jet boat. This was of course prior to having one of those butt-O-scopes shoved up his tailpipe by doctors doing an inspection of his bioreactor column. :-)

TDD

[norminn]

That stuff is lethal. I'd rather die of colon cancer than die of explosive exhaust syndrome :o)

Our dog was hit by a car and had a fractured pelvis. He went a while without a BM, so vet prescribed a pediatric Fleet enema - didn't take much and worked in seconds. He also was disinclined to go potty in the house. We kept him in a mesh playpen for comfort and observation, as he couldn't move very well. The vet kept him overnight, to make sure he could pee and poop and then we brought him home in a comfy laundry basket. Two of us lifted him carefully out of the basket and onto the lawn to let him go before taking him into the house. No pee. Took him in and placed him carefully into the playpen...I could feel his broken bones moving when we lifted him. After about 5 minutes, he JUMPED over the side of the playpen and peed on the floor. He was home, figured he'd be forgiven. During his rehab, I fed him per the same protocol for people with fractures - high protein, high calorie diet. He ate twice the normal amount and maintained the same weight. After seeing his xrays, I didn't expect him to recover but he certainly did. His pelvis on xrays looked like broken glass - shattered to pieces. Being a nurse has been handy - avoid seeing doctors, gave CPR to inlaws' newborn puppy, avoided the usual long-term medication prescriptions to treat normal life conditions :o)

[hrhofmann]

[e-mail]:

Yeah, but they just might save your life!!!