Need advice on how to deal with a neighbor

[Auto Lover]

I have a contractor friend whom I have helped quite a few times with IT related needs. In return my friend insisted to help me on a few things.

Today he came over with his crew and helped to pressure wash my house and my wooden fence, and tomorrow he's going to come back and seal/stain my fence.

The problem was that I had no idea that my friend had rented a pressure washer to help me do this today, and I had no idea what the results would be. So when he called me an hour before he was coming over, I couldn't really tell him no, that I didn't want my house and fence pressure washed.

Well, everything went well, except that during the washing of my fence on left side, the dirt, overspray of water, and some leaves from the vines on the house dirtied the walkway / side of house of my neighbors.

I was feeling really bad, and told my neighbor that we would stain his deck for free, pressure wash his house, sweep and wash down the side of his house. I even offered to hire a professional cleaning crew to clean the exterior of his house to brand new condition.

Well, my neighbor is very upset at me, because he and his wife had just cleaned their windows a day ago, and the stuff on the side of their house/yard got dirty.

I was on very good terms with this neighbor, and we helped each out a lot with various things. But he turned down my offer of help on every single item, even though I can tell that he and his wife are very upset still.

I don't know what else to do, and feel very bad about the whole situation. It's not easy when a good friend who helps me with good intentions accidentally dirties a neighbor's house. To my eyes the neigbhor's house is not that dirty, kind of like when a rain storm came through and got dirt on the yard.

What would you guys / gals think should be done to fix this situation???

[Auto Lover]

I have a contractor friend whom I have helped quite a few times with IT related needs. In return my friend insisted to help me on a few things.

Today he came over with his crew and helped to pressure wash my house and my wooden fence, and tomorrow he's going to come back and seal/stain my fence.

The problem was that I had no idea that my friend had rented a pressure washer to help me do this today, and I had no idea what the results would be. So when he called me an hour before he was coming over, I couldn't really tell him no, that I didn't want my house and fence pressure washed.

Well, everything went well, except that during the washing of my fence on left side, the dirt, overspray of water, and some leaves from the vines on the house dirtied the walkway / side of house of my neighbors.

I was feeling really bad, and told my neighbor that we would stain his deck for free, pressure wash his house, sweep and wash down the side of his house. I even offered to hire a professional cleaning crew to clean the exterior of his house to brand new condition.

Well, my neighbor is very upset at me, because he and his wife had just cleaned their windows a day ago, and the stuff on the side of their house/yard got dirty.

I was on very good terms with this neighbor, and we helped each out a lot with various things. But he turned down my offer of help on every single item, even though I can tell that he and his wife are very upset still.

I don't know what else to do, and feel very bad about the whole situation. It's not easy when a good friend who helps me with good intentions accidentally dirties a neighbor's house. To my eyes the neigbhor's house is not that dirty, kind of like when a rain storm came through and got dirt on the yard.

What would you guys / gals think should be done to fix this situation???

[candeh]

Do the same thing your other neighbor did, call up an hour in advance and inform them that you'll be performing services that were not asked for on their house.

That's my kneejerk reaction.

Actually, the compensation you offered your other neighbor was way more than adequate for the damage done. He probably just didn't want to place a burden on you, which is probably what I would have done had I been in a similar situation. Since you seem to be very friendly with both your neighbors, maybe you could get neighbor A (the overzealous guy with the pressure washer) to accompany you in a visit to neighbor B's place of residence. Maybe then overzealous neighbor A can explain the circumstances to dismayed neighbor B, then offer to restore the house to its previous condition, and then hopefully you can all be enjoying a cookout and several beers together, preferably in neighbor A's yard since he's the one who trashed neighbor B's house in the first place. Sounds like a doable plan to me. But then, I don't know your neighbors, so YMMV.

candeh

[RamblinOn]

clipped

First, if a mess is all that was done to the neighbor, apologize and ask if there is anything you can do. Don't make excuses or explain. Next, tell your contractor freind, nicely if possible, that you need notice if he wants to work on your house. Providing you want his "services" - too damn pushy for me.

When there are major messes or hazards, your neighbors should be informed in advance. Painting or pressure washing can drift onto neighbors property/house/car, so they should have a heads up. We had a tree trimmer show up at our condo while the neighboring condo was being painted. Trimming palms makes a lot of dirt fly, and the painter happened to have just finished the closest side of the condo to us, so I was afraid the dirt would land on the wet paint. I told the tree guy they had just painted the near side, and he went over and talked to the painter so they could stay out of each other's way. The tree guy started farthest away from the wet paint, and by the time he came around the paint was dry. It was a big job, so it could have been a big mess.

Whatever caused your friend to schedule work without notice to you is beyond friendship - what if you were entertaining or the neighbor was on the day he picked for pressure washing? If he blasted leaves and dirt all over the neighbor he should have rinsed it off.

[Bill]

Yes you can tell him no! It is your house and your life. If you don't want something done, say no, but thank you for offering. If it offends someone else when you say no, then that is their problem. Also it seems that he thought you *did* want your house pressure washed. When you learn that someone else thinks you want something other than what you *really* want, correct them right then and there by informing them of the way you actually feel. Just talk to them and say I feel this way or I feel that way. This is better for everyone all around.

[Snip]

If you offered to repair the damage and they did not accept, there is nothing more you can do. So just drop it. If you have lost them as friends, then so be it. You can only do so much. You might try one last time by writing them a letter. Say that you feel bad about what happened, say you will continue to feel bad unless they let you repay them in some way. Maybe take them out to dinner or something. If they don't respond to that, then you have done all you can. Maybe in December get them a nice Christmas present and maybe they will have cooled down by then???

[tflfb]

[indago]

Yes, I would definitely continue negotiations with your neighbor in this way, with the help of the one who did the work. Your neighbor and his wife probably festered over this for a few hours and maybe have reached the point of contacting a lawyer. Best you continue to be friendly with him and continue to negotiate along with the help of the one who did the work. This whole incident could lead to some very ugly results if you do not continue to work on it.

[Trader]

They'll get over it. Give it a few weeks and then go knock on his door with beer and cake.

If he can't forgive after your generous offers then screw him and his wife. By the way it seems like you were excessive in your offers for just getting his house dirty. Also, if you do want to make it up to them go over there and set a date for one of the offers. It seems more genuine when you say to someone I can be there on this date. Instead of I'll do this and that and leaving it open ended.

[jim]

You(your friend) screwed up and you are responsible.. the neighbor states no as he is pissed and will probably stay pissed.... having a neighbor like you... how can you let your friend continue doing this cleaning job knowing that the stuff is blowing onto the neighbors property... did he or you ever look to see what you or he was doing or did you notice it when the job was finished... a good thing he did not have to get a bull dozer to do any work around your house.... he or you would probably get carried away and knock his house down also... if i was the neighbor i would be pissed also having a neighbor who does not think...... just keep telling them you are sorry and that you insist on hiring a professional clean up person to do the job and pay more attention to what you do around the house.....

[JM]

quoting:

yea right! If I tried that with *MY* neighbor, he'd just rip the beer out of my hands and slam the door in my face. If you still have access to the pressure washer, shove it down his throut, full blast.

[gg]

[meirman]

In alt.home.repair on 13 Jul 2003 15:20:39 -0700 [e-mail] (Auto Lover) posted:

Wait two or three days, and offer again, maybe starting small and building up, like I guess you did the first time.

If that doesn't work, wait 4 or 5 more days or until you see some sign he is mellowing, and offer again. In the system I have been taught, one has to apologize and make the kind of offers you have made 3 times, and after that the responsibility shifts.

Make sure you apologize that 3rd time even if he doesn't mellow, but I can imagine waiting as much as 6 months. Maybe do the third one pretty early, wait 6 months and apologize a fourth time. What have you got to lose?

Personally if I were in your neighbor's shoes I would appreciate the explanation you gave us. Even though in theory I know that just about every wrong done me could have had a reasonable, innocent, accidental explanation, it's much more convincing to me when I'm told what it is.

Maybe if he seems to be getting bored or disgruntled when you explain, stop.

Tell him how sorry you are and how much you have valued his friendship. Deemphasize, probabyl don't mention at all, the favors you have done for each other. Do you think you did more for him than he did for you? Then he might think he did more for you. :) Do you think he did more for you than you did for him? Then he might think you are right. :) So you don't want to be seen to be apologizing just so you can do each other favors again.

OH, yes, you should probably apologize to his wife, with him, or if you don't find them together, separately. Maybe all 4 times. :)

If he's holding things up, she might say, after the second time, I'll talk to him., or she might do it without saying it. Or they could be two peas in a pod.

I have been on good terms with almost all my n'bors, but one went wrong. He had bought within the previous month, and each time I saw him, I kept telling him stuff about the houses, sump pmupms etc. In the middle of the third one of these, he abruptly broke it off. Later I found out he was over 40 and divorced, probably owned a house before. I thought he was 30 and it was his first house. He probably thought I was patronizing him. I figured this out 3 or 4 years ago, and invited him to get a drink. He turned me down, but seemed to treat me much nicer since then. But I think I have to explain t his stuff to him eventually anyhow.

Meirman

If emailing, please let me know whether or not you are posting the same letter.

Change domain to erols.com, if necessary.

[D Smyth]

WRITE DEAR ABBY

[Tim Connelly]

Not gotten into it. You're a fool. In more ways than one.

[Tim Connelly]

are you ever coherent? look it up....

[jemmy ducks]

Did you tell your neighbor what you wrote in your post here? If so, and if your neighbor still does not understand, then I don't see what else you can do. If you haven't, you might try saying to them the things you've said here. If I were that neighbor, your explanation alone would have mollified me.

[jemmy ducks]

Maybe an offer to screw them both at the outset would get results.

[RamblinOn]

My "friends" aren't responsible for what happens on my property, I am. The owner should have told the friend "no", but hindsight is 20/20 :o)

[Jeff Wisnia]

In case you didn't notice, she croaked some time ago...

Jeff

[Tim Fischer]

HELLO???????????????

They said they don't want help.

He should leave them alone.

-Tim