Writing Contest: How to Repel Dog Owners

Doug Kanter · 2004-08-22T18:09:52+00:00

New house, new yard, new neighborhood, soon to be a massive garden. In mylast 'hood, there were quite a few dog owners to deal with and I wentdirectly from calm to ballistic with no in between. It worked, but twice,the police were at my house, ready with handcuffs, until they calmed downand realized that it's legal tell a dog owner that you'll murder their trashif they don't control it.This time, I thought it might be better to begin more quietly. I need toword a sign perfectly. The target audience is so-called "good dog owners",the ones who clean up after their trash animals. They're the ones who tryand convince you that even though it's your property, it's OK for them tostop there. And, I believe that even when the owner picks the stuff up, thescent is still of interest to other dogs. My initial thought (for small,tasteful signs) was simply "No Dogs for ANY Reason. Period."Sounds boring, though, so I'm open to suggestions. The message I really wantto convey is that the guy at this house may or may not be stable. I hope I'mnot, but so far, I am.A friend suggested this: "All Dogs Will Be Collected and Eaten"Anyway, the best suggestion wins 27 virtual cold beers. :-)

Aug 22, 2004 82 Replies

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Gardñ 21 years ago

"Doug Kanter" in news:_GoXc.3996$ snipped-for-privacy@news02.roc.ny:

"i hope to avoid being kidnapped and probed by The Aliens the next time i venture out after dark"

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Gardñ 21 years ago

"Doug Kanter" in news:9RlXc.3975$ snipped-for-privacy@news02.roc.ny:

some people (etc)

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Doug Kanter 21 years ago

Perhaps you should ask an adult to explain the concept of private property.

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