When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
with one another so there are still three cats in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
The hallway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the end of the hall is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but kitty sarcasm.
My phone cord is not black licorice.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years;
feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
The bathroom sink is for washing hands and was not meant to be your
personal water fountain. I'm tired of being summoned to the bathroom
when you are ready for a drink. The bowl of water in the kitchen is not
contaminated and has no floaters! So from now on you will drink from
there... I put fresh water in daily! Rules for non pet owners who visit
and like to complain about our pets.
1. The cats live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my cats a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, he's a cat. To me, he's an adopted son who is short, hairy,
walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. **cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, sometimes come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant,
the kittens make wonderful gifts.