Well friends, they say that the more you wanna know the less they tell you, or something like that.....since Friday was three days after I took the stress test, I called the doctor............HUGE SIGH.....................apparently he doesn't discuss results over the phone.....ok, so when is the soonest I can talk to him?? THURSDAY NEXT WEEK??????????????????? crap.
So that makes me think that if it were something really serious, he would have called me, I hope. Not having insurance makes me wonder though....but according to a few people at work, he's one of the good heart specialists. (I can't afford him). Ann, I love you for your concern, and you too, Pat. I wondered if it was an anxiety attack too, Cheryl. But I've HAD those before. they went away. This weight in the middle of my chest and the pinchy kinda numb feeling in my arms has stayed with me now since last Thursday, sometimes worse and other times just noticible. I had a moment of clarity at work the other day, though. I had been asked to completely sweep the back five aisles of the nursery where the pool chemicals, dog pens, pavers, FERTILIZERS and WEED AND FEED, fencing stuff, and such are at. Most people who have been to Lowe's and in the nursery are aware of these back aisles where the extra stuff is located. We keep these area's and the aisles of the plant tables clean anyway, but apparently some uppety muck was coming to the store and the store manager knew I'd do a thorough job and wanted me to get in between the pallets and such.
It was a georgous day. One of the last ones. WArm, slight wind. Sunny and just beautiful. I don't like push brooms and I really needed an angle one, and it took me five hours to do a complete and thorough job. In between the sweeping, I helped customers and such, but pretty much stayed back there cleaning up missed spots and crevices. I raised alot of dust even though I know HOW to sweep. Now I wonder if I inhaled fine particles of weed and feed?? or fertilizers? I didn't just swing that broom wildly, but there was ALOT of dust because that's the back area that stays dry with the tin roof. It's possible something got into my lungs and is affecting me since it's that close to my heart. If the doctor tells me me heart is fine, then I will approach this too, as well as the possiblity of a blockage.....not looking forward to them checking me for a blockage, but I can't live like this, not knowing. And the pressure and discomfort is still there. Even today. So it's not just anxiety (well, I know I'm under stress, Squire didn't have work the last ten days, which was perfect timing, oldest son lost his temporary job and got the flu and has been sick the whole time I've been down, I missed four days of my work which gave me a miniscule check (not that it was large to begin with since they've cut my hours to 20 a week) but with Squire not working these last ten days, that means no check next week, with nothing from me as I get paid alternate weeks, thanksgiving is a pay period for me but payday is the day AFTER............and all the remaining bills are due Wednesday. I have to laugh.............
Seriously, I decided that I can't just stop, so I get up and am glad I am up and still have a warm house that is packed to the ceiling with cactus and tropicals needing a spot to sit, grateful that so far, I've got my daughter and her girls and husband coming from NAshville, and oldest son's friends and their boys coming down from Chicago for roast beast day, and everyone will chip in something and we'll have a great time. I got a tearful surprise yesterday when I got to work. Lowe's gave everyone a $25 coupon at Food Lion and that enabled us to get a turkey for the feast, and when someone remarked to me that it was our big Thanksgiving and CHristmas bonus, woo hoo, I told them with tears in my eyes that no, it was rather wonderful considering we weren't going to be able to have much of a dinner this year due to circumstances. it took them aback and they remarked that I had just made them realize it wasn't the "little $25" but the idea of what it was and they felt badly that they didn't appreciate it as much as I did.
I still go to work, I still push myself too far, but so far, other than sore muscles, I'm hanging in there and once I find out something solid, I will let ya'll know. My love comes out to ya'll for being there for me, wheather I hear from you or see you I know you're out there. I didn't post what I did for attention, I just sometimes need to know I'm not alone with my life struggles. And we're all going thru this if not worse. Our love and respect for one another is one of the reasons I love this newsgroup (despite the bickering, because a good relationship has those bickering moments, makes the make up and smooth overs that much more fun!)
I hope you are all doing well, and look forward to the conversations that spring up during these fallow times. Let the catalogs continue! (I've already gotten a lion's share of them)
Garden note: it's a cold, rainy, foggy day outside after we had our first hard freeze. the perennials that are still blooming are standing strong, but the rest of the garden is starting to look like a bad hair day. The leaves have all pretty much been blown off the trees with exception to some die hard ones like my black cherry tree in the east side. It's hanging firm with them still. The pink butterfly bush that resides in the corner of the NSSG still has leaves and now is sporting new silvery green leaves at the bases of those leaves. I hate to cut it back come spring, but I will anyway to have more flowers.
The Mexican sage I got from Reba down the road hung in there during those bitter winds and 20o temperatures, but I attribute it also to the fact that it's sitting at the back of the south facing raised garden and the dogrun provided it a little backside micro climate. I just hope it makes it thru the winter and returns for me come springtime. It's a nice clump.
The mums all look like they've gone thru a wringer washer, and the figs on the tree are finally at the familiar stage. Droopy and dark and hanging below those huge fuzzy leaves that are starting to drop off. And everywhere, HUGE pawlonia leaves are everywhere. Filling up the fountain, draped over the fairy perching at the top of the BBQ wall in back, the water is cold and thick with a layer of leaves floating on top, the canna I forgot to bring in sticking out still green (I'll have to plant her Sunday so she will return for me next spring, she is glorious!) Not to mention there are still two burning bush babies, a red rhodie, a Dorothy Wycliff pieris and something else I can't remember to plant somewhere quickly as they won't survive the winter in their pots since the tomato box is now full of plants. And there are still bags of bulbs to tuck into that box wanting to start their root growth before the temperatures chills the soil too much before their winter sleep.
Ever the gardener, and plodding onward. And actually looking forward to those Siberian irises that gardengal is sending me next spring! (not to mention who returns for me and who can I replace?)
Again, thanks for your time, I will keep ya'll posted as I know things. Stay safe adn warm and think of fairies tucked under leaves and clumps of next year's perennials snoozing while others are still busy doing their fall jobs and upcoming winter ones.
madgardener up on the rainy and cold ridge, back in fairy holler, overlooking a mist and cloud shrouded English Mountain in Eastern Tennessee, zone 7, Sunset zone 36