How to kill a pyracantha!

"I live next to this rude bloke called Liam who is plotting to kill my beautiful new pyracantha. Please help me protect myself and my property from the unreasonable demands that he makes, he imagines that everybody in the block should plant trees and shrubs only if it suits him. I fear he will spray poison on my shrub over the fence at night and then deny all knowledge. I want to protect my privacy and property. He will get the message if I fire-bomb his silly stunted apple tree that is shading out my wonderful pyracantha. I have been googling for 'napalm' but nobody seems to sell it round here, what should I use? Also where can you buy Strontium-90 or can I make it myself? We don't get on so trying to talk sense to him won't work. "

Liam's Neighbour

I've got to wonder - WTF is your neighbour doing planting things IN YOUR YARD? If it's not in your yard, then it most certainly isn't YOUR pyrocantha to kill, and perhaps you should question the logic of having planted a fruit tree inches from the property line.

Ideally, the tree is on your NORTH property line, and then you can simply construct a solid panel fence between the tree and the pyrocantha.

BTW - an apple tree from SEED is pretty much a wildcard. Doesn't matter how tasty the original apple was, the seed won't bear true. You might consider getting yourself some scions and grafting - then at least you'd have some known fruit varieties.

Ten year old tree only a meter high? Sounds like it is shaded out. Not worth trying to revive.

YO, S*IT FOR BRAINS... MOVE YER PUNY TREE... SHOVE IT UP YER TROLLING ARSE. Even in partial shade before ten years an apple tree should be producing apples.

Hey, we know that guy!

The guy can't get along with anyone. Might as well fire-bomb the house. You'll be the most popular home owner on the block.

Liam you might as well give up on your apple tree, sorry but trees grown from seed will revert to crab apple as this is the natural tree, all apple trees are grafts onto crab apple stock. Perhaps this is what you want.

Splendid!! I got a great laugh! Who won after all these years?