Didn't you know that aliens are so tiny they can't be seen by the
naked human eye? They invented nanotechnology when your ancestors were
still crawling in a swamp, and applied it to their own genotype. Because
modern aliens are very very miniscule, they are cheap to feed and
transport through intergalactic universes; and go about their invasive
business completely un-noticed by their hosts.
All you need do to attract aliens to land in your garden, is put out
a small flat round pebble as a secure landing base. About one inch
circumference is ideal. The first time you do this, write "L Z" (for
Landing Zone) on the pebble with felt pen, to show them where to go.
It's fun to watch that L Z sign fade away with time, worn out with the
jets of hundreds of minute spacecraft, and zillions of alien feet
rubbing on it as they pass through baggage-reclaim.
I find running off Jehovahs a spring and summertime sport. The Jehovas
aren't too well informed about their religion (or any religion for that
matter) except for the tracts they're trained to parrot by their
leaders/trainers. I spent quite a number of years studying the Bible, and if
you can side track them from their rote memorizations, they're completely
out of their element.
One couple stopped at my place last summer, and I was able to change the
topic on a couple of them completely this summer to gardening, and they
finally left shaking their head. They even forgot to try to sell me a copy
of "Watchtower." You should have seen our neighbor laughing as she listened
to me. They didn't even stop to see her. ;-)
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