Poison

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FILPORT, ALberta CPNews. May 30 2005.
Bjorn L. Johannsson, drank a quart of shellac whilst his co-workers cheered him on instantly killing him. The local coroner, Dr. Elmer VanDooderen said: "That shellac killed him before he hit the ground. Co-workers said he rolled his eyes, spun around on one heel and hit the floor....what a finish!"
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Robatoy wrote:

Natural selection at work.
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Badum-bump..
<g>
--
~ Stay Calm... Be Brave... Wait for the Signs ~
------------------------------------------------------
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Robatoy says...

The original is an old chestnut that goes:
Down the street the funeral goes, As sobs and wails diminish. He died from drinking shellac, But at least he had a lovely finish.
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That's a keeper. Thanks for that.
One of my favourites:
What a wonderful bird is the pelican his beak can hold more food than his belly can He can put in his beak enough food for a week and I don't know how the hell he can.
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wrote:

There was an old lady from Clyde Who ate some bad apples ...and died. The apples fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside 'er inside.
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<<There was an old lady from Clyde Who ate some bad apples ...and died. The apples fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside 'er inside.>>
Which reminds me of one of my favorites:
There once was a fellow named Clyde who tripped in the outhouse and died. His brother came after and slipped on a rafter And new they're interred side by side.
(I wasn't sure whether to write that last line as I did or the alternate way: "And now they're in turd side by side." Of course, that's what makes it such a great one.)
Lee
--
To e-mail, replace "bucketofspam" with "dleegordon"



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Robatoy wrote:

My favorites:
Little willy in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and burned to ashes. Now although the room grows chilly Nobody likes to poke up willy.
Alas for little willy We'll never see willy no more For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4
Little willy, from the mirror sucked the mercury all off, thinking in his childish error it would cure the whooping cough. Said the doctor to his mother, when he finally came around; Twas a chilly day for willy when the mercury went down.
And finally;
Little willy pushed sister Nell into the family water well. Alas, alas, the fall it kilt her and now we have to buy a filter.
You don't have to tell me that I have a morbid sense of humor.
--
Robert Allison
Rimshot, Inc.
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Reminds me of an incident almost thirty years ago which happened in the marshalling yards in Roseville. Couple of gents were taking their sun and lunch atop a tank car when one, lifting the hatch to see what was inside, dropped his sandwich.
Had to discard the entire car of mercury.
More than 11 ppb of tunafish.
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[snip]
Glad to see there's someone else here who enjoys Little Willy jokes. Here's another:
[warning - this is gross, even by Little Willy standards]
. . . .
Little Willy, with a shout Gouged the baby's eyeballs out Stomped on them to make them pop Til Mother cried, "Now, William, stop!"
--
Regards,
Doug Miller (alphageek at milmac dot com)
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Not so much morbid as 'disturbed'. <G>
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Robatoy wrote:

And can you blame me? All of these were included in a childrens book that I got back when I was a little kid in the 50s. I think the book was called "A Childs book of Fun". I will have to see if I still have it. It was great. BTW, my favorite poem from that book is this one:
I'd sure like to holler As fruit juice I swaller. Why do you come so soon? You wake me up at 6 o'clock When I could sleep til noon.
I still feel that way.
--
Robert Allison
Rimshot, Inc.
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wrote:

... snip

... snip

Little Willy home from school where he'd learned the golden rule Said, "If I eat all this cake" Sis won't get a tummy-ache
+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
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Johnny was a chemist but he isn't one no more, 'cause what he thought was H2O was H2SO4
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*sigh*
Poetry lesson time.
This is frequently attributed to Ogden Nash. Incorrectly. (although it is very much in his style)
The actual author is Dixon Lanier Merritt, written in 1910
The "traditional" form:
A wonderful bird is the pelican, His beak will hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Food enough for a week, Damned if I see how the helican.
common minor variations: substituting the technically accurate 'bill' for 'beak', in line 2. substituting 'know' for 'see' in the last line substituting "Durned", or "Darned" in the last line
There are many other corruptions, but they violate the basic form of the Limerick -- lines 1, 2, and 5 must have 3 groups of matched syllables. and lines 3 and 4 must have 2 groups of matced syllables.
A wonderful / bird is the / pelican, His beak will hold / more than his / belican. He can take / in his beak Food enough / for a week, Damned if I / see how the / helican.
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Robert Bonomi wrote: [application of verbiage-icide]>

There was a young bard from Japan Whose limericks never would scan. When told it was so He said, "Yes I know, But I make it a rule to always try to get as many words into the last line of a limerick as I possibly can."
    sweet,     jo4hn
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Service is *good* stuff. "The Shooting of Dangerous Dan McGrew" is also highly recommended.
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Robert Bonomi wrote:

Aw Hell, it's all good. Had a prof who told me it was doggerell, told him he was an idiot. We never did get along too well, come to think of it.
Dave in Fairfax
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My two favorites:
"There was a sweet lass from Wat'loo, whose limericks did end on line two."
"There was a young man from Verdun."
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I can't believe it! I only have a handful of these rhymes in my head, stuck there by some buddies in junior high school all those years ago. I have never heard them since, yet you guys got all of them. Except this one, which is maybe a bit of a stretch from the others, but somebody here might share my sense of humour:
I beat my head against the wall, My eyes turn 'round and 'round. I smash my brains until I fall And lie there on the ground.
It often comes to mind when I'm trying to program this blasted computer...
- Owen -
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