...but it really looks like s**
*. SWMBO purchases a lampshade that
she likes - rather art deco but square but still more deco than
anything else and not really to my taste - and asks me to make a floor
lamp out of it. Okey - what do you want it to look like? "Ummmmmmm,"
she pondered, "make it look like the Chrysler building." [Note: this
is a compression of multiple discussions for purposes of brevity but
the end result is the same.]
Well, you take a picture of the Chrysler building and put a lamp shade
on top. Think about it. Say no more. So through the tactic of a few
months of delay, I managed to make her want it so bad that she was
willing to let me try to give her the art deco thing she was looking
for while not turning our home into a cheesy paean to NYC
architecture. A couple more weeks and the design is complete, with
the design of the base suggesting the stalk of a flower and the design
of the shade suggesting the petals of the flower. You would have to
see it to fully understand (e-mail and I will send pix to the truly
bored) but I think I did a decent job of it (and even incorporated
some design ideas from the Chrysler building).
Construction (I used birch, thinking it would be easiest to bring to
the color of the shade)complete, the height is correct, and it is time
to stain it. The shade was made in China and has some orangish finish
on it - kinda dulls the grain like too many layers of flat varnish.
Perhaps shellac? The guy at my local supply place tried to give me
Cherry gel stain (luckily, I had the shade with me) which I had tried
already and found too red so I took a little can of antique maple or
some such. Try it out, it looks good. Close enough for trying to
match some weird Chinese shellac. Start to apply and dammit! the
birch has some spots that are rejecting the stain, almost like I got
wax on it or something. Okay, some small spots and a run where glue
hadn't been wiped enough but the real deal was a large area on
adjacent sides of the base that just wouldn't take the stain.
Now here I am, with a crappy finish and the project from hell has
never been further from completion (or at least that's how it feels).
It looks depressingly bad. I really don't care anymore if you can see
the grain, and I don't care if the color is mismatched between the
shade and the base. All I want is a consistent color.
Can I, could I, would it work, given that I don't care about the color
match and the grain on the base, just keep laying on that poly with
color? I know I am some kind of monster for thinking it but I don't
see any other option. I sure the hell ain't gonna strip it down to
Will this work or does someone have a better idea? Spray paint and
kindling are out.
Please, oh please, end my suffering!