Whenever I answer the phone the caller has maybe one second to say
something. If I don't hear anything within that second I hang up before
the computerized equipment can transfer me to a harassment specialist.
If it was someone who actually wanted to speak to me they will call
right back. Telemarketers don't.
You want more time than 1 second? Don't answer with "hello", many of the
automated calling systems recognize "hello" and initiate the transfer
process. If you answer, "this'sbrent",it slows down the process of
transfer and gives you more time to react.
If you're going to be dumb, you better be tough
We don't get many telemarketers, and I hadn't thought about it, but I
always answer the phone, "Charlie Self." With the TMs and other dips
(usually politicians or their reps, at least this year), there is
quite a long pause before the machine switches over. I do dump the
call after a couple of seconds.
You spoiled one of my illusions. I always thought the delay in
answering was because the idiots calling, who almost always then ask
for Mr. Self, couldn't understand English. Most of them don't speak it
at all well.
Several years ago a telemarketer called. First thing he asked was
how I was doing. My quick mind replied, "I'm not doing to good. Life is
going downhill real fast and I'm just on my way to end it all!" And hung up.
Three minutes later one of our towns finest called. Wanted to know
how things were going. "Fine," I replied. Yeah, the reason I'm calling
is that a telemarketer just called and said he called you and that you
said you were going to commit suicide, blah, blah, blah.
Then I had to explain to the officer that I was fooling around with
him (the telemarketer) and that everything was fine like I said.
From then on I just hang up, don't say a word, just hang up.
Been thinking about them air horns on a can of air lately, tho.
If it's a woman, I let her ramble on for a few minutes, then I say, 'can I
ask a question' the reply is always 'yes', so I ask 'what colour knickers
have you got on?' this usually results in an immediate switch off!
This is similar to what my friend Butch does - use thelemarketer's calls as
an excuse for what he calls "innuendo phone sex" - never coming out and
using explicit words, only euphamisms and double-entendre. I wish I had
recordings, the results are amusing to say the least.
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