How to accurately weigh a cat...OT ish

[judith]

Use the kitchen scales.

NB You will have to cut cat in to a number of smaller pieces.

[Michael Rozdoba]

[snip]

Wouldn't it be quicker to kill the person one is having the argument with?

If you really /must/ know the mass & Archimedes Principle isn't favoured, I suggest a small police radar gun, a stout but very small sling, a circus of trained fleas (*) & reference to

though you will first need to get the cat et al into freefall.

(*) A provisional calculation suggests the fleas might need to have some sort of genetic wasting disease.

[Andy Hall]

First catch your cat.....

[unopened]

Use a steelyard:

As a good d-i-yer I'm sure you can knock one up yourself.

I'll assume you have a box/cage with handle on top for transporting the cat/s. You can hang this on the hook of the short end of the lever. Weight the box/cage first, then put the cat in the cage. The cat will get bored and settle down eventually.

If you make it yourself, you have the choice of where to put the fulcrum and what standard weight (high precision) to use on the long arm.

Regards,

Sid.

[Owain]

Most cat servants buy such an apparatus in the vague hope that its use will be consented to by their master.

ALl very good so far.

This is the flaw in your method.

As will you, in the A&E waiting room.

Owain

[Huge]

Shoot cat.

Weigh corpse.

Problem solved.

[Bob Eager]

Put cat cage/box on end, with open door upwards. Pick up cat (in different room) and hold gently, lulling it into false sense of security. While keeping cat close to you (so it can'r see behind), move to box and drop cat in, bum first.

Works for me!

[Andy Hall]

Have the lacerations healed?

[Bob Eager]

It's worked, with several different cats over the years, with no injury to me at all. Giving pills is another matter...

[Andy Hall]

Yes. Wrapping cat in a towel can help.

[Bob Eager]

Never works 100%. They always get at least one paw out - somehow. I think they use hyperspace.

[Peter Twydell]

Not to mention the multi-dimensional teeth. Right through the human 3-D thumbnail.

[ARWadsworth]

You would need to account for the mass of the bullet, so problem not solved.

Adam

[Clint Sharp]

In message , ARWadsworth writes

But much more variable would be the fluid loss from the wound.

[The Medway Handyman]

How about if you poisoned or electrocuted the cat? No bullet or exit wound or fluid loss.

Now we are getting somewhere :-)

[Clint Sharp]

Hmm, electrocution, you'd have to get that signed off under part P though, could be difficult.

[The Medway Handyman]

Bugger. I thought I had it sorted. Always a snag.

[The Natural Philosopher]

Most animals will pee and crap on death.

Our poor old hound did..the only time he ever messed up was when we brought him back from the vets to bury..

[Dave]

Father in law was found dead in his bed a few years ago and it was up to me to remove the bedding and put it in the bin.

Earlier, I had gone to scout out the room, only to find him in his death position. A bit rattled, not much, I went back downstairs to await the people that would remove his body.

When they arrived and took him away, it was my job to strip out his room (death by natural causes at the age of 89 was the on site verdict).

What amazed me was that there was no soiling of the bedding. One of his daughters was keen to add to her collection of bedding and when she saw me with an arm full of the stuff, she wanted to take it.

I said to her that 'you don't want this, as it is off his bed'. She jumped a mile and left it.

I always thought that the dead emptied their bowels as their was no muscle control left. Just goes to show.

Gawd, I wish I was 30 years younger, I wouldn't know about all this :-(

Dave

[Lobster]

Presumably depends on how long it's been since said bowels were last moved, how constipated they'd been previously (very common in the elderly), etc etc. If there's insufficient intrarectal pressure then there's no reason for the contents to be expelled when the sphincter relaxes on death.

(Are we really OT yet for this ng, or still OT-ish?)

David