You can come get the money I owe you...

These self-centered "me" generation people are really something!
I did some free remodeling work for a young friend about 10 months ago. Prior to doing this work, my friend assured me he would reimburse me for all the materials I needed buy to do the work...
When I was done with the work, I gave him a copy of all the receipts for things I had purchased as well as an itemized list and total amount he owed me. Again my labor was free.
So the months rolled by and not a single dime came my way. But in the mean time, my friend purchased all sorts of expensive "toys" for himself (he makes very good money). Like fancy wheels/tires for his car (the old tires were fine), a new very expensive entertainment system for his house, and on and on.
I kept reminding him of the money owed to me...
Well after 10 months of this, he finally mentioned something about paying me. He said he would total up the receipts I gave him. I again gave him a copy if the itemized list I have given him 10 months prior.
After a couple of weeks, he called me and said "You can come and get the money I owe you!"
I think I will try this with my electric bill. I'll call the electric company and tell them I have the money for their bill and they can come and pick it up!
Geeze these people are really something!
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On Tue, 16 Jun 2009 07:26:15 -0700, "Bill"

I won't blame a whole generation because your friend is an asshole, just as I won't blame another whole generation because you are a doormat.

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re: a young friend
If this person is really a friend (or even if not) then you owe it to him to sit him down and explain the correct way to treat people.
As the older and wiser individual in this relationship, you should take this opportunity to help him out. Invite him to meet you for a cup of coffee at a diner or some other neutral location, ask him to bring the payment and spend a few minutes calmly explaining to him everything you just told us.
If he takes it as an insult and not as constructive criticism, then he wasn't a friend. As long as you got your money back, send him on his way, knowing that you did the right thing by trying to help.
You might be surprised - while he might be insulted at first - as his defenses take control - your words might sink in eventually.
P.S. Pay for the coffee.
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This message is in MIME format. The first part should be readable text, while the remaining parts are likely unreadable without MIME-aware tools.
--0-1445195565-1245166399=:15334 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: QUOTED-PRINTABLE
On Tue, 16 Jun 2009, DerbyDad03 wrote:

This is fine, but one thing I have found out about _friends_ is that sometimes its not a good idea to do _business_ with them (and for some people I do business with, it might not be a good idea to make friends with them, either), but another thing -- next time around-- is to have a clear idea established with the guy you're dealing with about just how and when the guy will pay up.
Another thing: if you're going to do the work for free anyway, then make the guy at least pay in advance for the materials.
I know some practices in the remodeling business and some of them want 90% deposit (on materials and labor) plus a written contract 9which sometimes even benefits the seller and not the buyer of the services.
--0-1445195565-1245166399=:15334--
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Its a common problem. Next time make sure you have some kind of written contract, make sure you get some kind of deposit (eg. 1/3 of total), and be fully willing to threaten to put a lien on the property if you don't get paid.
Electric company? You don't pay your bill and they will disconnect you, and some of them will ask for a big fee to re-connect you, and maybe a security deposit too. And the post office will return your envelope if you don't have postage on it.
My father did "individual" work when I was a kid (long ago) and he said that, at least at that time, the worst payers were the doctors and lawyers at paying their bills.
On Tue, 16 Jun 2009, Bill wrote:

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This makes me think of an expression that goes something like, "Never a good deed goes unpunished".
Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience.
Lewis.
*****
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The way I have solved that kind of problem is by giving the guy a shopping list. "Any questions? Call me when all the stuff is at your house and I'll be over"
Charlie
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On Tue, 16 Jun 2009, Charlie wrote:

This, above, is an excellent way to go, too.
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Charlie wrote:

Trouble is that plenty arent capable of using the list properly.
And its often a lot more trouble to make up a list that someone who doesnt know anything about renovations can use than to get the stuff yourself.
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Still sounds like a lot less trouble than Bill had getting reimbursed.
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Scott in SoCal wrote

Sure, but it makes a lot more sense to get the cash upfront instead.
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wrote

If you do that you are ignoring travel costs and time.
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Charlie wrote

You'll waste more travel costs and time try8ing to make a list for someone who isnt capable of doing that work themselves and who doesnt understand the list etc.
You'll save much more travel cost and time by requiring the cash upfront and doing the shopping yourself if you decide that there is some risk of not getting paid.
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wrote

Of course the right way to handle this, at least from my prerspective, is to say, "Here's the list of what you need. Pick me up at the house and we will go get the stuff. Then I will help you and show you how to do the job so the next time you will be smarter and know what to do."
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to fish and ...." You know how it goes.
Charlie
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Some folks are willing to do part of the job. Take the first step. Folks like that, I work with. Others sit around and expect to be waited on. Those, I avoid. And a third category are folks who have a job, want to hire me and pay me when I'm done. Those, I do like.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell which classification is an individual.
--
Christopher A. Young
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Stormin Mormon wrote

It can be a lot more work that route tho.

I only do that if they ask for that approach.

Sure, and you are free to change the detail when it becomes clear what they are like, whether they are capable of using a brief list etc or not.
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Charlie wrote

There's plenty that will never be able to do it themselves.
Like my neighbour's elderly woman next door neighbour. He just provided all the materials and did all the work and got paid for it when it was done and he knew what the total was.

There's always going to be plenty that will never be viable fishers.
Some of the people I know are such incompetant butchers that even if they can do it, it isnt a viable approach.
When I built my house from scratch quite literally, that triggered a bit of rash of that amoungst the people I knew. One of them is such a klutz that he did have the sense to take my advice and get professionals to do much of the work I did myself, and decided that he should be able to paint it and save some money. He quite literally attempted to paint it with a broom and big bucket of paint.
He was the one who came within an ace of killing himself at work when he had the 'brilliant' idea of cleaning out the room where the big growth cabinets were by hosing out the place with all the electrical stuff under the big growth cabinets still powered.
I used to cringe every time he changed a magtape on the PDP9, he's such a mechanical incompetant/klutz.
I wouldnt hesitate to buy the materials for him, I have compete confidence that I would get paid as soon as I wanted the money and he's so hopeless with mechanical stuff that a list would be useless and there is no point in having him along on the shopping run, it would be a lot quicker to do it myself instead.
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My answer to that is to accompany them to the supply source and let them pay for the materials.
-- Tom Horne
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Tom Horne wrote:

Makes more sense to get the money up front.
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