What type of nails to use?

[bilduer]

If you were going to crucify someone (nail them to a wooden cross), what kind of nails would you use?

[keith]

Big ones.

[LSMFT]

Deck screws would work better.

[DerbyDad03]

The problem with using deck screws is that odds are you are going to be using your cordless drill to drive them.

It would be a shame if the battery died after you only got one or 2 screws in and then had to leave to go get your other battery.

You'd leave the poor guy lying there in the sun, half screwed to the cross, then your cell phone would ring and you'd get distracted and forget to get the battery, etc. etc.

That just wouldn't be nice.

[Bill]

You would use "tivanium alloy sterile self-tapping bone screws". You wouldn't want the person to become infected!

[Jon Danniken]

Heck, why use a fastener at all? You only need to use a restraint to tie the wrist or forearm to the crossbeam. Death occurs after a few days from suffocation as the crucifee can no longer support his own weight (leading to CO2 buildup, leading to muscular cramping) and the lungs fill with fluid from pulmonary edema.

Jon

[Sjouke Burry]

Come over here and we will conduct several experiments to determine the right material.

[Grumpy]

Hmmmm very interesting

[ChairMan]

In news: [e-mail], [e-mail] spewed forth:

Goldberg Nails

There was a wealthy Jew who owned a nail company. His only son had just graduated from college and the father wanted to get him involved in the company.

He initially farmed the young man out to each of the departments; first research & development, then manufacturing, then sales, and in each the son was a dismal failure. Determined to find a place for his offspring, the father decided that his son needed his own project.

So the father placed his son in charge of the new advertising campaign. He told him that he would have no supervision and that any and all resources which he needed would be placed at his disposal. The son was elated and immediately set off to make his father proud.

Four weeks later the son proudly proclaimed, "I have finished!" and he and his father went out to examine the first product of the new campaign: a billboard.

As they drove to the sight, the son explained how he had been blocked until a sudden insight had leaped into his head. They turned the corner and to the father's horror the billboard portrayed Christ on a cross with the caption: "Even Then They Used Goldberg Nails."

The father explained to the son that they couldn't portray Christ on a cross as it might offend their Christian clients. Dejected, the son said that he would fix the problem and report back to his father.

One week later the son again exclaimed that he was "finished," and took his father off to see the billboard. Sure enough, Christ was no longer on the cross; he was lying at the base of the cross and the caption read:

"This Wouldn't Happen With Goldberg Nails"

[Joe]

Dock spikes, bridge spikes.

Joe

[Stormin Mormon]

I found this funny. I guess my religious outrage is at the shop being polished, today. As a disciple of Christ, and a member of the priesthood. I really oughta be offended, but I am just laughing.

[Ivan]

Then you might like this one: Moses and Jesus were fishing on a heavenly lake and reminiscing about their times on earth.

"I wonder if I can still part the waters?" mused Moses, and he raised his hands and the water parted before them (luckily, some distance from the boat). Then he lowered his hands and the water rushed back.

"I bet I can still walk on water," Jesus said. And before Moses could stop him he was over the side and stepping onto the water.

He sank like a stone. "Jesus, Jesus," Moses said. "You forgot you got holes in your feet, now."

[Rocinante]

Is the goal to prolong the torture? You had better have some adrenaline to keep the person from passing out from the pain.

[Stormin Mormon]

Heard that one years ago.

Why was Jesus crucified, instead of hanged?

[aemeijers]

Because that was what they did, back then. They wanted the general populace to watch the prisoner suffer and take a long time to die, listening to his moans. Hanging, if done properly, is very quick. And then all you have is a very quiet body hanging there.

That part of the world hasn't changed much. Does anyone else still do public stonings and beheadings?

[Higgs Boson]

Where have you been? Don't you read the news about Iran? They bury women up to their chest and then stone them to death. Only it's done gradually, in stages; the stones are deliberately not big enough to kill immediately.

Right now, there is a women sentenced to death by stoning. There is a huge international uproar. Brazil offered to give her asylum, but I don't know where that is going.

******* How many of you will research this and take action, like contacting the President or your Senator or Member of Congress and demand that Iran be pressured to spare the woman's life and abandon this barbaric practice. Contact the Embassy of Iran and demand that the victim be spared.

There was a film made -- wish I could find the full name -- "The Stoning of..." which depicted the entire thing. Among the participants were the woman's HUSBAND, FATHER AND SON! I will look for the name and post it.

Of course the MAN involved in the adultery -- if indeed it did occur!

-- is not buried and stoned to death!

These mullahs who are ruling Iran are worse than animals. The young Iranians would love to get rid of these religious fanatics, but they control everything, including the armed forces.

[Higgs Boson]

Crucifixion was a routine punishment back then, especially for slaves. One of the crazy Roman emperors Nero? Caligula? had slaves crucified . The crosses were placed along the elegant outdoor dining room, and set on fire to light up the festivities.

They wanted the general

[ChairMan]

In news:NDk9o.53311$f [e-mail], Stormin Mormon spewed forth:

Thats what you are allowed to do when it's a joke

[Ivan]

In college, I read a Roman historian (Livy, I think) on the wicked King Tarquin, who used to execute people by having their limbs tied to four horses who where then set running in all directions. "Boy, we've gotten lots more civilized since then," commented the historian. "Know how they executed people in Livy's day," asked the professor? "They hung them on the cross, where it took them days to die. If someone felt merciful they might break the sufferer's legs to speed the process."

[Stormin Mormon]

As told me, by a friend years ago.

So Christians can do this: instead of this . It's visual, and usnet posts just don't do the joke credit.