Problems with my patio

Last year I spent considerable money to build a patio in our back yard. At first it worked just fine. Our family would barabque out there on weekends and we'd rest out there on lawn chairs after work. It seemed to be paying for itself just by the relaxation it offerred.
Then came the problem. One day I came home from work and found two men sitting in one of our lawn chairs. They were holding hands when I found them. I told them to leave and they did. The next day I come home and find seven naked men on our patio kissing each other and doing other things I can not say on a public forum. This has continued for several months and now our patio has become a playground for all the homosexuals in town. Some days there are more than 100 of them out there, and they wont leave when I ask them. They just ignore me, or try to kiss me. When I called the police they told me that there is nothing they can do to stop these men because they are on private property. They claim if these men were doing these same things on a public street or in a public building, they would be arrested, but on private property there is little they can do. I can almost swear that one of these homosexual men are one of the town's cops, so that makes it even worse.
How can I stop this? I have already considered hiring a bulldozer company and ripping up the patio, and just making it a lawn again. I did remove all the lawn furniture a month ago, but they just brought their own. My yard is littered with beer cans, liquor bottles, used condoms, underwear, and other garbage. Some of them even urinate and deficate on my lawn. My family refuses to even go out there anymore. What can I do about this?
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
On 17-Jan-2008, snipped-for-privacy@popmail.com wrote:

Increase the dosage of your medication and all should be fine.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
On Thu 17 Jan 2008 01:25:36a, told us...

Send your family away and join the guys on the patio!
--
Wayne Boatwright

*******************************************
  Click to see the full signature.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Reminds me of the time 7 homosexuals snuck into my hot tub. All of a sudden a condum floated to the top. One of the guys then said "OK, who farted?"
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
On Thu, 17 Jan 2008 02:25:36 -0600, familyguy wrote:

Cheny/Bush are rewriting the constitution and new world order affecting billions of people and you are worried about a handful of misplaced men in your backyard? Count your blessings that homeland security has discovered you. Watch for black suburbans with tinted windows. Much worse scenario. At least with the gays you know who is doing what to whom.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@popmail.com wrote in news:3a3uo3d61id1p3p2bdf92j56mlae6a4mam@ 4ax.com:

Pick a house far away with a patio. Tell them there is a guy thee who boast easily burying a soda can up his ass and give them the address.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote:

And not Gerbils?
Oren --
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote in

I kinza likes amnimals so's I don'ts bad mouth 'em.
----- Red's latest idea:
Can never find car keys. Duct tapes cell phone to keys. Demo's how this works. Calls cell phone from land line. Hears faint noise from bathroom. As he walks in, cell phone, on vibrate, rumbles off top of tank into crapper.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote:

Duct tape rules!
Oren --
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

Why not just put the car keys in the toilet everytime, so you'll know where they are?
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
wrote in

You've never seen the show I take it.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload
snipped-for-privacy@popmail.com wrote in

Face it. You're gay.
Add pictures here
<% if( /^image/.test(type) ){ %>
<% } %>
<%-name%>
Add image file
Upload

HomeOwnersHub.com is a website for homeowners and building and maintenance pros. It is not affiliated with any of the manufacturers or service providers discussed here. All logos and trade names are the property of their respective owners.