Getting Online Help During a Major Home Fire

The 12 steps of Surviving a House Fire
You wake up in the middle of the night and your smoke detector is blasting. The house is full of smoke and you can see a ball of fire down the hallway. Follow the following procedure exactly in numerical order.
1. If your computer is near the flames, move it to another part of the home that is not burning. Plug it in, and connect the internet cables.
2. Turn the computer on.
3. While the computer is booting, change the battery in your smoke detector. (If your using Windows Vista, change the batteries in ALL smoke detectors in the home, by the time you finish, Vista should almost be booted).
4. Post a usenet message to alt.firefighters. Tell them your address, city state and zip. Be sure to describe the fire in detail.
5. Post a message to alt.home.repair, explaining the fire in detail and asking them how to repair the house after the fire is out.
6. Use google and search the web to find web pages that explain fire prevention". Read several of them to determine what caused the "fire.
7. Get your fire extinguisher. Send a message to alt.firefighters, asking how to use the extinguisher.
8. While waiting for a reply, wake up anyone else in the house and allow them a few minutes to check their email. Then tell them to leave the house.
9. Send an email to your gas company and electric company asking them to disconnect your sevice ASAP.
10. If after ten minutes you do not get a reply from alt.firefighters, call 911, or send an email to your local Fire Department.
11. Unplug your computer and take it outside after packing it in it's original factory cartons. Be sure to take your laptop.
12. Go outdoors, flip on your laptop computer and watch alt.firefighters for replies while roasting marshmallows on your house.
Jeff
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Wow. David Letterman should call you during the writer's strike. You're ball-slappin' funny...

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