I am sad to announce that Santa Claus is dead, and it's my fault.
Last summer I had a modern furnace installed, and they vented it out
the side wall using 2 inch PVC pipe. Shortly after I had the house
re-roofed, and since the old chimney was weak, and no longer needed, I
had it torn down and removed.
Last night Santa Claus came to my house and since the original chimney
was gone, he tried to crawl in that 2 inch PVC pipe. He got stuck,
and when the furnace started, he died from carbon monoxide. When the
fire department arrived, they found his body was 2 inches round and 32
feet long, stuck inside that PVC pipe. His bag of toys remained
outside the house near that pipe and his sleigh was parked on the roof
with 8 reindeers attached, and asleep.
I feel so terrible about this. Santa has been making children happy
for thousands of years, and my decision to save a few bucks and remove
the old chimney killed him. I will regret this for the rest of my
life. This really hurts to have to tell you this horrid news.
Well, I better get back to drinking to relieve the pain......
By the way, what do reindeers eat?
Merry Chrissmas - Merry Krissmass - Merry Kissmyass