Okay - Steve Knight's request for writing got me started, and tho' he's
found his man... I think my next stop might be David Letterman... or not...
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Might Be a Woodworker:
10) Your wife asks for help fixing dinner, so you build a jig for
9) When some drunk at your local watering hole jokes about "a niiiiice
piece of assh" you think wood, not wimmin..
8) You've spent more on your tools than you have on your truck
7) Your birthday is a company holiday at Woodcraft or Rockler's
6) You know that everything at Harbor Freight is odds-on junk, 'ceptin'
for clamps at 1/2 off
5) You can add fractions like nobody's business
4) You know which Unisaw serial numbers are "good"
3) Your dust collector makes your ears pop when you fire it up
2) You can identify which project your scraps came from when using them as
And the number one way to tell you may be a woodworker:
1) You have to go get a neighbor to use fingers to count to ten.... (sorry!)
Very nicely done ... In that spirit, since there are a lot of new
faces here on the Wreck, let me repost something I did here
several years ago - how to tell when you are no longer a WWing Rookie:
After 5 years of wood-butchery, er I mean, Fine Woodworking, it occurs
to me that we need a formal standard by which someone can declare
themselves no longer a rookie but a "Woodworker" with all the
privileges which accrue to the title. I suggest some measures below,
but others in the rec.woodworking news group on the internet have
added many more. You'll have to look those up yourself! By-The-Way,
I'll 'fess up, I've most of the things below at least once and sometimes
more than once -
You're No Longer A Woodworking Rookie When:
- You've blown a hole in the door of your garage-cum-workshop when a piece
of oak gets trapped between the router bit going 24,000 rpm and the
fence (which is standing still). You've repaired the hole so well
no one notices.
- Your saw blade cost as much/more than your table saw.
- The only thing original about your table saw is the the motor and
the on-off switch.
- You'd rather take SWMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) to a jewelry store than go
to the woodworking store because the only router bits you don't own cost more
than any piece of jewelry she might desire.
- You have storage problems because you cannot bear to part with that
"gorgeous grained" 2" wide piece of cherry offcut.
- You own more than one router, and realize that you probably "need"
- You ask SWMBO if it would be alright to install an air compressor system
in the master bedroom above the garage-cum-workshop. You are deeply hurt
with her emphatic "No chance in Hell," response.
- You're a white-collar professional who has to go to Bermuda once
a year to ever actually see daylight, but own a big, bad truck and
insist you bought it for "practical" reasons.
- You dropped your subscriptions to Sports Illustrated and Playboy to
leave more time to read through the new Tool Crib And Trend Lines catalogs
which appear in your mailbox every two or three days.
- Your fantasy life includes dreams of the 14" Radial Arm Saw at Home Depot.
- You spend as much/more time building fixtures, jigs, tooling, and storage
for same as you do actually building final projects.
- Your own list of household "Things To Do" is much longer than the one
SWMBO has for you.
- You go to a trendy party or business function and spend half the evening
admiring the finish on the oak bar. Others join you. All of you ignore
the stunning 23 year old blonde bartender/actress.
- You have memorized the features, prices, virtues, and vices of every
Delta, DeWalt, Jet and Grizzly power tool. You have saved up for the
ones you want. You cannot buy them because there isn't a free square inch
of space in your garage-cum-workshop.
- You contemplate petitioning the Homeowner's Association for your townhome
to allow you to erect a 50' x 50' barn in the common parking space. You
seriously think you have shot at it.
- You start designing your Dream House which turns out to be an efficiency
apartment over a 35,000 sq ft shop. You are thwarted by SWMBO who firmly
believes that living quarters should include a kitchen and bathroom.
- You consider your investment in Law School/Engineering/Medicine/Business
a "complete waste" and ponder the $6/hr apprenticeship being offered
at the local cabinet-maker's shop as a real career opportunity.
Tim Daneliuk firstname.lastname@example.org
When you visit a museum or old church in Europe, you examine the
woodwork rather than the world famous art.
A woodie makes you think of Steve Knight
Replace "no" with "yk" for real email address
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