Poison

Natural selection at work.

Badum-bump..

The original is an old chestnut that goes:

Down the street the funeral goes, As sobs and wails diminish. He died from drinking shellac, But at least he had a lovely finish.

That's a keeper. Thanks for that.

One of my favourites:

What a wonderful bird is the pelican his beak can hold more food than his belly can He can put in his beak enough food for a week and I don't know how the hell he can.

There was an old lady from Clyde Who ate some bad apples ...and died. The apples fermented Inside the lamented And made cider inside 'er inside.

My favorites:

Little willy in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and burned to ashes. Now although the room grows chilly Nobody likes to poke up willy.

Alas for little willy We'll never see willy no more For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4

Little willy, from the mirror sucked the mercury all off, thinking in his childish error it would cure the whooping cough. Said the doctor to his mother, when he finally came around; Twas a chilly day for willy when the mercury went down.

And finally;

Little willy pushed sister Nell into the family water well. Alas, alas, the fall it kilt her and now we have to buy a filter.

You don't have to tell me that I have a morbid sense of humor.

Poetry lesson time.

This is frequently attributed to Ogden Nash. Incorrectly. (although it is very much in his style)

The actual author is Dixon Lanier Merritt, written in 1910

The "traditional" form:

A wonderful bird is the pelican, His beak will hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Food enough for a week, Damned if I see how the helican.

common minor variations: substituting the technically accurate 'bill' for 'beak', in line 2. substituting 'know' for 'see' in the last line substituting "Durned", or "Darned" in the last line

There are many other corruptions, but they violate the basic form of the Limerick -- lines 1, 2, and 5 must have 3 groups of matched syllables. and lines 3 and 4 must have 2 groups of matced syllables.

A wonderful / bird is the / pelican, His beak will hold / more than his / belican. He can take / in his beak Food enough / for a week, Damned if I / see how the / helican.

See the happy moron, He doesn't give a damn. How I wish I were a moron. My God, perhaps I am!

Reminds me of an incident almost thirty years ago which happened in the marshalling yards in Roseville. Couple of gents were taking their sun and lunch atop a tank car when one, lifting the hatch to see what was inside, dropped his sandwich.

Had to discard the entire car of mercury.

More than 11 ppb of tunafish.

Glad to see there's someone else here who enjoys Little Willy jokes. Here's another:

. . . .

Little Willy, with a shout Gouged the baby's eyeballs out Stomped on them to make them pop Til Mother cried, "Now, William, stop!"

Not so much morbid as 'disturbed'.

Robert Bonomi wrote: [application of verbiage-icide]>

There was a young bard from Japan Whose limericks never would scan. When told it was so He said, "Yes I know, But I make it a rule to always try to get as many words into the last line of a limerick as I possibly can."

sweet, jo4hn

If your going to be dumb...ya gotta be tough~!

Service is *good* stuff. "The Shooting of Dangerous Dan McGrew" is also highly recommended.

My two favorites:

"There was a sweet lass from Wat'loo, whose limericks did end on line two."

"There was a young man from Verdun."

Looking at the purported deceased's name, I'm just going to remark: "Norway! They don't serve shellac in a Lapp joint."

They would if it was a Dutch Treat...

Ouch!