WASHINGTON, D.C. (Rooters) - Senior Bush administration officials have confirmed that presidential advisor Condoleeza Rice did not step down from her post, as was previously reported. Instead, Ms. Rice has been fired for her role in what Washington insiders are already referring to as "Clampgate." According to an initial investigation led by Senator Gross In-Stabil, Rice was involved in a plot at the very highest levels of government to conceal what it knew about the presence of "Cabinet Master" clamps.
As Senator Gross In-Stabil described the events, "the administration knew there weren't any clamps to go along with these widely circulated claims. In fact, they were warned by the CIA and FBI that the presence of mass amounts of clamps (MAC) was incorrect, and urged the government not to support those claims."
According to Bush administration pundits, "there certainly are clamps out there. Somewhere. We have troops on the ground looking for them, and expect informants to step up and provide information in exchange for very generous gift cards (available only by mail)." Other leaks from unidentified government officials claim that there were, indeed, more than enough clamps to go around, but that the supply was tragically destroyed in the "Great California Barbecue" of 2003.
An ongoing investigation is looking into allegations that Vice President Dick Cheney and had recently purchased a large amount of stock in the Bessey Corporation. . Film at 11:00.
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