[OT] Computer Tech Support Calls

[pamela]

Those were the days of innocence........

support-calls/

[Woody]

I always thought one of the best was when woman rang TS and said her computer screen had gone off. The tech asked if the mains plug had got pulled out of the wall. She said the socket was behind her desk and she couldn't see becuase the lights had gone off as well.....

[Scott]

There's also one where the 'support' said the computer would crash and the woman asked if she should fit airbags to cushion the impact.

[tabbypurr]

'What's an E?' is a mind one boggling too.

NT

[tabbypurr]

'What's an E?' is a mind one boggling too.

NT

[Graeme]

In message , Woody writes

That was the famous WordPerfect one :

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power . . . A power failure? Ah-ha. Right. (long pause) Okay, I think we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[charles]

Caller to the BBC: When are you going to start programmes again?

BBC: Afternoon prgrammes start in about half an hour.

Caller: so you've decided to start broadcasting again.

BBC: I don't quite understand. Programmes have been broadcast as scheduled/

Calle: Well, you haven't turned my set on. (set had been left turned on since purchased)

or Similar to the Wordperfect one;

On admittinging there's been a power failure - "but the telephone is still working."

[whisky-dave]

I remeber that and tehre were others on the early internet a wav or MP3 of various support discusions.

Although one of the funnest I've heard is the women phoning up a radio stat ion in the USA to complain about the animal/deers crossing warning signs o n a road. She wanted them removed as one crossed the road and damaged her c ar and she thought it stupid that they put signs up so deers would know whe re to cross and that the signs should be moved to safer places where deers could cross in safety.

[AnthonyL]

In the early days as we moved a customer from CP/M to a Windows system I called in to see how they were getting on and a dippy operator said her mouse didn't do anything waving it around in the air to demonstrate the fact.

Also in the days of floppy disk backups I took a call from a customer saying that their backups weren't working. Going through step by step we made sure the disk was the being held the right way, insert yes, click the handle down "No I have to click it up" - go to a similar machine and it's definitely a click down so ask if anything had changed since I was last there. "Yes we've had an office move around". Bloody computer had been replaced upsidedown!

[Max Demian]

5.25" floppy disks used to say, "This disk must be formatted before use." The customers of a software company I used to work for said that all the disks we sent to them were blank...

[Java Jive]

[Mark]

LOL