OT. A Must Read before Ebay take it down. TomTom GO 700 Automotive GPS Receiver

[Baz]

[F]

[Tim Watts]

Most classy!

[Andy Cap]

Though as several have pointed out elsewhere, he has previously bought and sold several Satnavs, so perhaps it's all a bit fanciful, though no doubt a brilliant piece of marketing !

[Roger Mills]

Too late for me - it's already been removed. What did it say?

[Baz]

>>> Too late for me - it's already been removed. What did it say?

This is just part of it. The page had over 67000 hits. And 6 pages of questions Last Bid was £8 millon

You are bidding on a TomTom Go 700

This was my wife's, may her knicker draw be infested with the fleas of a thousand Camels...

The Go 700 was once the top of the range Sat Nav from TomTom, with an internal Hard Disk Drive instead of the traditional SD Card, and had full Bluetooth and Wireless capabilities.

I bought this for the back-stabbing harlot, some four or five years ago, before she met Nigel with the Little Penis, and it cost me over £400... As bless her cheating little heart, she gets lost driving out of the street...perhaps without this she would never have found the way to Nigels door, nor perhaps his stain riddled bed...

Her infidelity was discovered when I took her car for an MOT, and while waiting, I was tinkering with the Sat Nav and noticed that all her recent journeys had all been to Nigel's... So, like any normal human, I reprogrammed Nigel's address to one in a town far far away...

My wife bless her treacherous ways, didn't realise there was anything amiss until she was driving East along the M4. She then tried to act all innocent and lying through her cherry red venemous snake lips, asked if I could sort out her beloved TomTom as something was terribly wrong with it: when she used it to drive to her sisters it took her along the M4. I presume her sister means Nigel with the erectile problems... With the anger of the betrayed I said I would, but my frustration and anger caused me to accidently delete all the files from the internal drive instead...

Words were spoken, accusations were made... The air hung heavy and was coloured blue with profanity... I find it difficult to believe her claims that this is all my fault... I wasn't the one getting lost while travelling to Pencil Dick Nigel's house...

After much arguing she has decided her future lies in the squallor of Nigel's cockroach infested hovell... Good luck to them both... may the ten plagues of Egypt visit their stained adulterous bed...

I now have her TomTom Go 700 but have no idea how to reinstall the software, and really I don't want the reminder of the cheating, lying, heartless, creature of the night. All the other accessories are still in her car, so I hope they are happy living at Nigels together.

Therefore this auction is just for the TomTom Go 700 itself...

I'm sure someone somewhere can make this work...

As an after thought... There is no returns for this...I really don't want it back...

The auction Starts at a low but fair £20 and all proceeds will go to taking me out on a bloody good night with copious amounts of alcahol, wine, women, and song...and if the price is right...maybe a curry to boot...

So please bid with confidence that all proceeds are for a very worthy cause...

Good Luck

Oh and Postage is for UK only So anywhere else contact me for a price to anywhere else...

[GB]

Googling "This was my wife's, may her knicker draw be infested with the fleas of a thousand Camels..." produces nearly 3000 hits, and rising by the minute probably.

[Steve Walker]

It made the national newspapers today (at least the online editions).

SteveW

[Brian Gaff]

What ever it was its not there now.

Brian

[Brian Gaff]

Erm and what is wrong with a bit of a joke? Have they lost their sense of humour?

Brian

[GB]

It's back!

he's planning to give all the money to charity this time. And (choke!) it was all a lie.

Here's the wording (for posterity):

His crazy frame against the dawn His hungry leap and ragged fall A suicidal perch is now laid bare To searching eyes and empty stares A fearful silence hits the crowd The air hangs heavy with the sound Of useless wings against the morning sky As paper yields before their eyes

Oh, can you see him now? A broken man without a dream Oh, can you hear him now? A futile laugh above the screams

© Barclay James Harvest:: Paper Wings

Probably one of my all-time favourite songs.

So where do I begin.. I guess the truth is always the best place to start..

This re-listing is because there are people on facebook claiming to be me, and there are others on eBay trying to sell accessories to the SatNav and make a fast buck. That is simply wrong.. The ridiculous starting price and postage, was just to stop the silly bids. I need to get this all back under control. As this is all a big big mistake. I was just having a bit of a laugh, thought it might sell the SatNav easier and yes give me a few quid to boot - £20 £30 max. so I made up a story I was completely unprepared for what happened.

Initially, I wrote a basic ad, and literally put a funny comment between each paragraph, and then tweaked it into some sort of a coherent story. it wasn't planed, in fact it just evolved from the 'This was my wife's, may her knicker draw be infested with the fleas of a thousand Camels...' line. it made me chuckle to myself. so I just went along with the theme. The story wasn't the truth, but the SatNav was real. to me it was just like every sales pitch, a hook to sell an item. There are massive flaws in the whole thing. SatNav's do have a list of recent journeys but if you repeat a journey it's only listed once, not as I implied 'many journeys to Nigel's'. and really is it believable that anyone would be driving up the M4 before they realised they weren't going where they should be? A few messages actually pointed out these flaws. The story was a complete fabrication, I'm not married, never have been, there is no Nigel, it was just a name, it could have been any name, so to all Nigel's I really do apologise. With hindsight I should have made it clear as the whole thing started to go crazy. Alas I did what I think anyone would do in similar circumstances: I got caught up in the whole fervour and didn't stop to think: for that I am truly sorry. I never intended to deceive anyone, when people started to message me I just replied as a bit of banter. I simply felt you had taken the time to write to me, the least I could do was reply, and the more I answered, the more messages came through. there are still thousands to respond to. I never stopped to think, I just let it run. It started to gain momentum on Thursday, since then I've had very little sleep. Friday I sat up trying to get on top of the messages, really it should have been clear that I was way out of my depth for every message I answered more would arrive. I finally crashed about 5am. I did think that because it was the end of the week, a Friday night thing, that it would all fizzle out: and by Saturday morning it would have run out of legs. Wrong.

Saturday I had the warning from eBay 'this is against our policies but we'll let it run.' The messages still flooded in, and I'm answering them and having a laugh, people saying 'Dave you're a legend' - 'no but this is certainly helping'. 'Dave can I have your autograph' - 'Yes, official signed photographs, each with an authentication certificate will be on sale on eBay from next week, unlimited numbers £2 a pop'. 'Your wife sounds like my time can I have her number' - 'why why why would you do that, get yourself some respect man,' and so forth. I was just having a laugh, nothing more. Then I opened the next message in the queue, and was asked for my paypal address so that a donation to my night out could be made. that really threw me off balance, looking back at that point I actually think I believed I was the person in the advert, sort of an actor playing a role, so to speak. all of a sudden things changed. I couldn't accept any money from anyone, I couldn't live with myself if I did, while it was all just banter and the sale was some way off in the future none of it seemed real. This was the first wakeup call: so I did what I thought was the right thing under the circumstances, I amended the auction listing, saying I wasn't worthy of such accolade and anyone who felt a similar desire could maybe make a donation either to Cancer Research or Heart Disease Research, for personal reasons I think these are worthy causes. Interlaced with all this there's the messages that start to touch that compassionate nerve. 'Dave my mum is suffering from cancer, I read her your auction and it put a smile on her face, that I haven't seen since she was diagnosed'. 'Dave just got back from my friends son's funeral, been a crap day, your auction made me feel so much better'. Suddenly I began to realise that my little eBay auction was much bigger than I had actually realised. and I needed to seriously stand back and look at things properly. The messages I'd answered in banter had now caste me as the person in the ad, what do I do about that? I'm trying to think what to do next, when the fake bids start to pile up: the more I removed them the more they're clocked up. I'm sat here alone, trying to control something that is completely uncontrollable, and no one to turn to, or to help me. I emailed eBay, only to be told some hours later that I could remove the bids, and block the user. I amended the listing saying all about the problems with fake bids, and for people to ignore them. I'm now so stressed I can't think clearly, I'm worried I'm going to get hit for a massive commission bill from eBay, yes it'll be able to be sorted, but that'll take a while, seriously I shouldn't have to be sorting out all of this, after all, I don't operate the site, I just use it and in fairness eBay does class themselves as a fair and safe market place. So I've not slept nor eaten properly for days, everything is buzzing about in my head, stress levels are through the roof. I've got messages from all around the world and the press have left messages asking me to contact them about the story. I've had message saying 'Dave, we loved your story here in New York, we we're discussing it over Sunday Dinner', That is the sort of thing people do about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Not some unemployed no one from Swindon. I'm really not equipped to deal with this sort of thing, I don't crave fame and fortune, people are saying grab the money and run, but in all fairness, how can I? To me the whole thing was a bit of a laugh, that went completely out of control. I even said that if the SatNav sold I'd donate to charity. As I've said, I'm unemployed money is tight and every penny has to be watched, yet here I am with the possibility of making money. Trying to balance that, against my own moral code is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I couldn't live with myself if I just jumped on the band waggon and grabbed the cash.

So without going to the press, and selling them the story I'm telling the truth here on eBay. where the whole thing started. There was no deceitful wife, caught having an affair with Nigel via a TomTom SatNav. It was just a sales pitch that when crazy. I've learnt my lesson well. never will I do anything like this again. in fact this eBay account will soon be closed.

Now the truth has been told: if anyone still wants me to join me on facebook you are more than welcome. I don't know how to use it properly yet, and a friend is setting me up a page and is willing to control it for a while.

So everyone, I apologise unreservedly for allowing this to go so far, without telling the truth, I guess the idiom 'honesty is the best policy' has been perfectly demonstrated by the events of the last week.

I simply leave it to yourselves to decide what happens next.

For the sake of this auction.

The SatNav is now for sale at the starting price of £20 with the postage back to £5. I will get a certificate of authenticity made up for it, and have it signed and validated. Recording its serial number etc so that its providence can be proven. I'd hate for there to be loads of these out there being sold.

If someone buys it, then I guess they would have bought a piece of eBay history, and that in itself might one day give it some intrinsic value. Whatever the sale price is ALL the money will be divided between Cancer Research, and Heart Disease Research.

A man can tell a thousand lies I've learned my lesson well © Madonna: Live To Tell

Thank You all for the roller-coaster ride. next time I'm going to Alton Towers.

May your God go with you

Dave.