Only Fools & Handymen...

[Dave]

I would be more interested in No 3 Getting a customer pregnant.

Dave

[The Medway Handyman]

I was going to reply in a similar vein, you beat me to it. Eloquently put.

[The Medway Handyman]

Then again, you are obviously a complete & utter f****it.

[The Wanderer]

A word of advice if I might be so bold.

You posted a reply to Huge's post just 2 or 3 minutes before this post. That put your position very clearly, and left you with the moral high ground.

There are times you should stop and ask yourself 'Am I really adding anything to the thread?' before you hit the send button.

[The Medway Handyman]

You may.

Point taken.

[PCPaul]

Is that an hourly rate or, like, by the job?

[geoff]

certainly a case of bang for the buck

[The Natural Philosopher]

I put back a dead cat we found in some 100 year old thatch, in some new thatch.

I built a bottle of PVA glue into a stud wall once.

I think half my chimney stack is still exuding the brickies urine..and i wouldn't mind betting there isn't a turd filled cavity up there as well.

I think the prize goes to the prat who use 6" nails to nail chipboard to expensive oak doorframes to 'protect them from wheelbarrow damage'

The most worrying thing was that he appeared not to understand what he had done wrong..either taking the piss to an extraordinary level, or simply too thick to be useful. He went the next day.

[Lobster]

No, sorry, I'm afraid nailing a cat under the floor still counts. Any cat, regardless of whether it's the owner's.

So make that no. 5.

David

[Grimly Curmudgeon]

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember "The Medway Handyman" saying something like:

[The Medway Handyman]

Actually its not a brilliant design. It would only take a 6-8mm lift & a 4 mm sideways movement to dislodge it - easily done whilst cleaning. The replacement has a cable tie holding the eye securely to an offset in the clip - it ain't not going anywhere.

[ARWadsworth]

message

No 6

I went into a customers house to give a quote and changed from my work boots to my house shoes on the doorstep (I have a pair of trainers in the van that I use when I go into a customers house). I stood in some dog shit that was inside the house and I smeared it all up the stairs carpet.

I was pleased not to get the job.

Adam

[Ed Sirett]

Bad stuff happens, even to people who are careful and thoughtful. You may be one of those people who think that changes can be made without there ever being a chance of something going wrong.

[BigWallop]

Brace yourself Rodney !!!!! ROFL. :-)

A lot of people ask why we pay for liability insurance. Here's why. I was in a mansion house (a very old and very expensive family seat, mansion house), and I set fire to a rug with the sparks from an angle grinder.

Everything else near to where I was working was covered with boards and things, to protect them. But haste to finish up and get home caused me to just kick back the rug before cutting into a metal plate. Not knowing the rug had just crumpled up behind me when I kicked it, then slid back down flat to the floor with the vibration of the cutting, it caught fire along one edge, and only alerted me when the smoke grew to thick to see through.

You think you've thought of everything before you start these jobs, but there is always something you overlook. Anyway, 3000 quid in compensation for an antique foreign rug, soon made me realise that things like this can happen. My next purchase wasn't a fire extinguisher. Oh no. It was a liability insurance policy with Standard Life. :-)

It may cost a few hundred pounds a years, but when they say they'll cover you up to the value of 3 million pounds. I think it works out cheaper than any other alternative.

Does the new chandelier look nice?

[Bob Mannix]

The person who never made a mistake never made anything. Appollo can rest easy employing the "cowboys" who don't admit theirs, so everyone is happy :o)

[The Natural Philosopher]

Indeed. Shortly after I moved here, my next door neighbour..well half a mile away, nearly burnt to the ground. It was a thousand year old manor house being restored, and no one is clear on exactly what happened, but plumbing work was going on at the time. Whether something was left smoldering, or electrical work was damaged, I don't recall.

But there was a huge tussle between the house insurers and the liability insurers of the contractors.

I nearly burnt down the North Vietnamese embassy, in London once.

It was emty, except for some pretty high class squatters, who held a party.

It had underfloor warm air heating installed, and grids along the beautiful wooden floor edges. And I dropped a cigarette down one..

Only my quick thinking and a can of Newcastle Brown saved this valuable building from destruction ;-)

[The Medway Handyman]

Indeed. £2 million for about £15 a month, its a no brainer. I only have the £2 mill because of the Fair Trader scheme, its a requirement. I started with £1 million for about £9 a month, well worth it.

[BigWallop]

It wasn't the consumption of too many Newkie Brews, that caused you to drop the ciggy in the first place, was it? :-)

[Andrew Gabriel]

Did you ever visit Windsor Castle?

[BigWallop]

We pay close to £1,100 a month, but it covers 15 employees and their tools and any liability occurrences (which are non-existent at the moment, touch wood). Still worth every penny when you think of the contracts we have.

Insurance is a great backup to anyone who works for themselves. I've known one man bands to go under, even just at the thought of having a 100 pound compensation bill to pay. For the genuine self-employee, insurance is something that can save your whole living.

But, if you can't learn through the mistakes, you ain't doing it right in the first place. :-)

This time next year, Rodney. We'll be millionaires. LOL