Red Skelton

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

1. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

1. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

2. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

1. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

1. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

1. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

1. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

1. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'

The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

1. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

2. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

1. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.