Red Skelton

[Andy]

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

1. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

1. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

2. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

1. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

1. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

1. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

1. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

1. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'

The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

1. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

2. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

1. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.

10 Comments

[Ed Pawlowski]

Thanks, I saw this before but was still a chuckle.

Stand up comedy has gone to crap years ago. I remember Red, Jonathan Winters, and many others that could get a laugh out of you with no foul language. I used to like Robin Williams when he was on Carson. He had an HBO special that I though would be fun to watch, but all he did was grab his crotch and F-bomb every sentence. He lost a lot of respect from me and was not very funny.

[M. L.]

Clean? I always thought some of the double-entendres on his TV show were quite racy for 60s TV. Most of the off-color jokes were aimed at a recurring busty blonde character.

Blonde (in bikini, frustrated with Skelton): "I've had it!" Skelton (turns directly to audience): "Yeah, I bet she has!"

I was only a child but I got that joke.

Another racy sketch involved his college student/golfer character (forgot the name) keeping his head immersed deep in a book while walking along from one Mr. Magoo mishap to another. Turns out that book was covering a Playboy mag. They actually showed a distant image from the mag. The image was probably doctored for TV and couldn't be seen clearly because of the quality of B/W TV at that time.