Red Skelton


For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope y ou get a chuckle or two reading them once more...
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, goo d food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in T exas .
3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kit chen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bough t her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in t he carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off .
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage ?'
The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her .
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the g ood old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. 10 Comments
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On 2/27/2019 8:36 PM, Andy wrote:

Thanks, I saw this before but was still a chuckle.
Stand up comedy has gone to crap years ago. I remember Red, Jonathan Winters, and many others that could get a laugh out of you with no foul language. I used to like Robin Williams when he was on Carson. He had an HBO special that I though would be fun to watch, but all he did was grab his crotch and F-bomb every sentence. He lost a lot of respect from me and was not very funny.
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On Wednesday, February 27, 2019 at 9:24:37 PM UTC-6, Ed Pawlowski wrote:

njoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Ei ther way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A reru n of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I ho pe you get a chuckle or two reading them once more...

good food and companionship

Same with George Carlin.
I miss ventriloquists. They are still a few around.
Andy
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How about Gallagher or Steven Wright?
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Clean? I always thought some of the double-entendres on his TV show were quite racy for 60s TV. Most of the off-color jokes were aimed at a recurring busty blonde character.
Blonde (in bikini, frustrated with Skelton): "I've had it!" Skelton (turns directly to audience): "Yeah, I bet she has!"
I was only a child but I got that joke.
Another racy sketch involved his college student/golfer character (forgot the name) keeping his head immersed deep in a book while walking along from one Mr. Magoo mishap to another. Turns out that book was covering a Playboy mag. They actually showed a distant image from the mag. The image was probably doctored for TV and couldn't be seen clearly because of the quality of B/W TV at that time.
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