A friend and I were talking the other night and he surmised that Home Depot has
done so well there is no reason why a Homie DepotÂ® wouldn't be just as
At first I thought it was absurd but after thinking about it for a while it
started to make sense. Aren't niggers always harping about having "their own"
or that? Niggers have some pretty distinct tastes and purchasing habits that just
aren't being met by Wal-Mart, The Dollar Store, K-Mart and Value City. For you
white folks out there, wouldn't it be great to go shopping and not have to
tolerate unsupervised little nigglets, massive shoplifting, niggers breaking
ketchup bottles and niggers bickering over the price of each and every single
food item they are purchasing via Food Stamps?
Naturally we want to model Homie DepotÂ® after the infamous Home Depot. Here's a
list of some of the more popular products that would be offered along with some
special considerations that would need to be addressed at Homie DepotÂ®.
:: The Products ::
Condiments are a must staple for all nigger diets. All foods need to slathered
mayonnaise, ketchup, BBQ sauce, butter and salt. Remember the condiments make the
meal and this is what the nigger is carrying on about when he's talking about
"flava". Homie DepotÂ® would definitely have a condiment aisle stocked with 5 to
gallon drums of nigger's favorite artery clogging sauce. Your mainstream stores
simply do not carry the variety and quantities of condiments that niggers desire.
Hawaiian Punch has been a long time favorite of niggers and it's as close as
niggers gets to drinking pure water. Of course Hawaiian Punch wouldn't be the
sugary drink sold. We'd have plenty of Hi-C, Kool Aid and extra sweet Pineapple
and Chocolate sodas in the 15 liter bottles. You're never to old for children's
drinks when you're a nigger and Homie DepotÂ® would definitely have a sugary soft
drink aisle. To hell with Type II diabetes and obesity, niggers need that
The junk food aisle would be placed right smack in the middle of Homie Depot
because it would be the busiest aisle. Items will be broken down by breakfast
foods, lunch junk foods and dinner junks foods. For example we wouldn't mix the
Lay's BBQ Chips with the Ruffles Traditional chips because everyone knows that
chips are for supper and that traditional chips are for the most important meal
the day, the noon breakfast. Yes we will stock everything from Pork Rinds to
Chicken Skins and we guarantee that nothing will be fat free. It goes without
saying but for the record we will not sell any healthy fresh produce. Why would
Closely related to our food line would be our BBQ supply aisle. We all know,
based on each and every rap video ever made, that niggers love to eat BBQ food in
public parks. Our biggest seller would be the industrial size aluminum foil. All
nigger BBQs feature reams of scattered and tattered pieces of aluminum foil. You
can cook off it, wrap food with it, use it as a plate, make a crack pipe out of
and make a hat out of it. Of course we'll also sell the worlds cheapest grills
there will be plenty of low-grade charcoal so you can douse it with about 16
gallons of lighter fluid. The lighter fluid gives it the "flava".
But hey, a nigger can't live on junk food alone. There are other important
commodities that niggers need that the white stores fail to supply in the
quantities that the nigger desires. Toiletries come to mind. All that superfluous
crap that the white stores sells like toothpaste and deodorant have no place at
Homie DepotÂ®. When talking toiletries we're talking two things: Vaseline and
Butter. What else do you need? Vaseline is the wonder product. You can use it as
lip balm, toof paste, for hair sheen, to treat hemorrhoids, the crabs, the clap,
herpes, as a sexual lubricant, hell you can even fry chicken and grits with it.
All niggers know how important Cocoa Butter is to personal hygiene. After playing
5 hours of basketball in the heat just rub on a tube of cocoa butter. It's just
good as a shower and some niggers go months with never taking a shower. The coca
butter rub is also known as the nigger shower.
We all know how important a nigger's hair is to him. This is especially true for
the niggress and all those lovely wigs she wears. Well we'll have it all. We'll
stock doo-rags, braiding and corn- row products, wigs, wigs and more wigs, and
naturally hair extensions. Homie DepotÂ® will be one-stop-shopping for all your
freaky nappy hair needs.
Since they are so closely associated we will stock stolen firearms and all your
basketball needs in one aisle. For some reason the nigger has merged bouncing a
round ball with killing each other. Hey we're not here to judge we're here to
provide the services you require and we'll be offering a unique deal. With every
purchase of $500 basketball sneakers you will get one stolen handgun free of
charge! You'll need it when walking from Homie DepotÂ® to the bus stop with your
new kicks. We know that your basketball sneakers will be the most important item
you ever purchase so we will only carry nigger-authorized basketball sneakers.
This is our personal guarantee to you.
We know that shopping can be a real hassle. You have to go to a bodega for your
junk food, the wig shop for your hair and then a liquor store for you malt
beverages. At Homie DepotÂ® we will stock all your favorite liquors so you don't
have to dig into your loafing time. We will carry all the standard ghetto malt
liquors and sweet wines. We also offer an added benefit. Everyone knows how
important Courvoisier is for status conscious niggers. Leading niggers are always
talking about Courvoisier this, Courvoisier that but we all know that your ass is
too broke to afford Courvoisier. So we're introducing Courvoisi-Yo. Courvoisi-Yo
will look just like Courvoisier but it will smell and taste like shit, literally.
But hey, at least you can emulate all your favorite leading niggers. Now we also
know how important Kyrstal Champagne is to the nigger but once again you can't
afford it. No problem. We came a cross and abandoned warehouse on the Eastside of
Cleveland that was full of Champale. Remember that awful ghetto drink from the
70's? Well it's back and while it's not Kyrstal it's as good as it gets for a
welfare mook. You can always claim you're "going old skool" with the Champale,
that wonderfull concoction of malt liquor and bubbly wine.
This by no means an exhaustive list, so feel free to reply to this post with
further product suggestions.
Kickin' it wit' my ho,
-- Deeandre' Babydaddy
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