LOL... but, in all truth, you've missed the mark. I'm an adult convert to
Catholicism; I was raised in a Protestant denomination. One of the things that
I found strikingly different, when I began attending Catholic services with my
wife, was how much *shorter* a Catholic priest's homily is, compared to a
typical Protestant sermon. The length of the worship service is about the
same, though, due to the time spent receiving Communion. It seems to me that
Catholic weddings and funerals are typically slightly shorter than the
corresponding Protestant services, although I don't have a large sample to
judge that from.
Doug Miller (alphageek at milmac dot com)
My sample is also mercifully small. One wedding: 3 hours. Three. As in one,
two, three. Three funerals: 2 hours minimum. My funeral: money set aside to
hire a serious band. Maybe Hot Tuna, although I hope I don't go before they
Speaking of not being converted:
Sven moves to a new town in Minnesota. On his first Friday in the new house,
he resumes one of his old traditions: slowly barbecuing venison, which fills
the surrounding properties with delicious scents. His neighbors are
Catholic, and can't eat meat on Friday's Sven's a Lutheran. The scent drives
his neighbors nuts.
After a month of this torture, the neighbors decide maybe they can get him
to convert to Catholicism. The invite Sven to a church social. When the
neighbors see how well he's getting along with people, they broach the
conversion idea. Sven figures "Why not? Nice people, good cake...". Next
Sunday, the deed is done. The priest finishes the ceremony with "You were
born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, but today, you are a Catholic".
More coffee & cake, and the neighbors seem relieved. They remind Sven that
he can't have meat on Fridays. Fish is OK.
Next Friday, the neighbors notice the scent of venison on the grill again.
They go over to the Sven's fence and hear him talking to the food on the
grill: "You were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, but today,
you are a walleye!"
Maybe I could invite the JW's in for a some fresh venison stew?
Do they eat meat ever?
To think I started this thread with a simple question about my faulty
Is this a great country or what?!
ps I guess I should be carefull what I say or maybe I could get
It often works that way. I find it a lot easier to understand it if
you consider religions to be viruses (as according to Richard
These things behave as competing viruses. The one infecting you will
try to keep out others, for it's own survival. The fact that only the
OTHER one seems delusional, is just the virus trying to protect
The oral bullshit is part of the virus' reproductive system.
This is also why it's so important (to the virus) to teach religion to
children. The can become immune if not infected by the age of 7.
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word
in the Gospels in praise of intelligence."
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