December 23, 2004
The Dilly News
This is beyond belief. Last night it got so cold in Minnesota that a cow standing out in the field shatterred and fell to pieces. Farmer John Tilden was shocked when he got out to his pasture about 6am. and found one of his cows lying on the ground in several hundred pieces. The cow, an approximately five year old Holstein was completely shattered. All that remained was irregularly shaped pieces of black and white fur that somehow used to fit together and be a cow. A vererinarian was immediately called, who stated the cow got so cold that it just fractured from the inside out, and finally shatterred, most likely due to a sudden movement, and probably after getting scared from something. The veterinarian said the cow could not be saved, because there were just too many pieces to the puzzle, but he did manage to find the udder and it was filled with some very tastey ice cream, which was saved for Christmas dinner.
However, Tilden decided that since it's so cold outdoors, and since he is bored being in the house, he collected all the pieces and is planning to see if he can put the cow back together, with the help of his brother who has always been good at puzzles. After sending an urgent letter to Santa Claus asking for help with the puzzle, Tilden put out a plea for anyone willing to assist with the puzzle to please contact him immediately, and promises to share the ice cream with them.
Merry Christmas