It's recommended that you do not send any Christmas Cards, unless they have been treated with an approved fire retardent material, and the cards have the U.L. sticker on them. If you receive Christmas cards in the mail, DO NOT bring them into your home. Check them outdoors to see if they have the U.L. sticker on them. If not, dispose of them in a fireproof metal trash container immediately.
Christmas cards are made from a flammable material known as paper. According to MSDS fact sheets, paper is classified as a highly flammable material. Do not allow this material in your home unless it's been treated with a flame-proof substance.
If you must bring one of these non-flame treated cards inside your home, place them inside a solid metal fireproof container and keep away from heat and flame. Do not remove the card from this box inside the home at any time. Take the container outdoors in an area that does not contain any flammable materials before opening the container.
VERY GOOD!! Minor spelling corrected so the fellers won't get yelled = at after forwarding to their grade school teacher... :O)
WARNING
Christmas Cards are a serious FIRE HAZARD.
It's recommended that you do not send any Christmas Cards, unless they = have been treated with an approved fire retardant material, and the = cards have the U.L. sticker on them. If you receive Christmas cards in = the mail, DO NOT bring them into your home. Check them outdoors to see = if they have the U.L. sticker on them. If not, dispose of them in a = fireproof metal trash container immediately.=20
Christmas cards are made from a flammable material known as paper. = According to MSDS fact sheets, paper is classified as a highly flammable = material. Do not allow this material in your home unless it's been = treated with a flame-proof substance.
If you must bring one of these non-flame treated cards inside your home, = place them inside a solid metal fireproof container and keep away from = heat and flame. Do not remove the card from this box inside the home at = any time. Take the container outdoors in an area that does not contain = any flammable materials before opening the container.
While this is very funny, it's sad to think that what caused this type of joke is the fact that we've allowed such paranoia to infiltrate our lives. And yes, WE are the one who did it by allowing it. There are many, many examples of product warnings that are legitimate, and just as rediculous as this one.
I've got a whole string of these Christmas related things. One is a waiver Santa has to sign releiving me of responsibility for weight-related heatlh problems if I give him cookies, etc. etc. etc. Sad commentary.
Multiple studies have shown that 100% of cancer victims have been exposed to a dangerous chemical known as dihydrogen oxide sometime in their lives. This chemical, used in many industrial processes, should be banned.
This year, I'm noticing that every new string of holiday lights comes with four or five stickers on the cord. They're all hard to remove, except the one you might really want to keep on there.
There's a little bag of extra bulbs and fuses, and some have extraneous twisters wrapped around them (and they often come out MORE tangled than last year's lights I store with no twisters). There's the box and 1 or 2 useless additional bits of paper or plastic (just to make them look good IN THE BOX). Maybe even all in a plastic bag within the box.
I always have a lot of trash to put out after thanksgiving (after putting out holiday lights).
No problemo, I can get you all of the counterfeit UL seal you want straight from China. They are especially nice looking on household extension cords. They make such a lovely shade of dancing + yellow when they burn then set fire to your X-mas tree. Gosh you are right, better keep those X-mas cards in a metal explosion proof chemical locker.
I guess, as a former volunteer fire fighter, I should mention that paper is combustible, not flammable. It has a flash point higher than 100 farenheit degrees.
I moved these from old computer to new over the year and this is the one I could find right off. As (if) I find others, I;ll post 'em.
Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement
Santa Claus, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA Jolly Old St. Nick (hereinafter referred to as "Santa") acknowledges receipt of Christmas cookies from ______________________ (hereinafter referred to as "Baker").
Santa acknowledges and understands that no warranty, either expressed or implied, is made by Baker as to the nutritional content of cookies. This document is offered to duly warn Santa that dangerous conditions, risks, and hazards may result from over-consumption of cookies. Santa is hereby informed that cookies may contain any of the following: calories, carbohydrates, sodium (salt), fat, saturated fat, trans fat, polyunsaturated fat, monounsaturated fat, nuts, sugar, caffeine, and good cheer. Santa acknowledges that eating way too many cookies may incur risks including, but not limited to, satiation, indigestion, heart burn, dizziness, laziness, heart disease, holiday spirit, "food coma," and "that bloated feeling."
As consideration for accepting Baker's cookies, Santa indemnifies Baker from all liability for injury or other harm (including obesity) which may be caused, in whole or in part, by said "too many" cookies. Santa agrees that neither he, nor his heirs or personal representatives will sue Baker for any injury suffered, in whole or in part, as a consequence of binging on cookies. Santa assumes full responsibility and will indemnify Baker for any damages in the event that he transfers cookies to any third party (including, but not limited to, potential claimants Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph, Mrs. Claus, and various elves).
This indemnification includes an agreement not to haul Baker into court on the basis of:
Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause); 2. Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste too good and are provided at no cost; 3. Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not; 4. Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption. 5. Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars); 6. Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and 7. Failure to notify that eating way too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause").
SANTA HAS READ THIS DOCUMENT AND UNDERSTANDS IT. SANTA IS SIGNING IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY.
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