O yes beutiful Snow

Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour.
Which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I
hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own
living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighborhood kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in
March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will
have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole
is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she nuts!!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all
over where I've just shoveled! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
goddamn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate
the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to minus 30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million
Dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me. Why? I am I tied to the F-cking bed! You know they that
to some people that go nuts.
M'I nut you be the Judge
"Stay warm and be healthy"
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We all have different experiences with snow. Last week a couple of people knocked on my door and offered to clean my driveway for 25 bucks. I paid them in advance, and after about 15 minutes, I looked out the window and saw them just standing there doing nothing. I took a picture of them, and posted it here:
be careful of people trying to take advantage of you. what a racket.

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Only an idiot would pay in advance.
~ "If you don't bend over, you don't get fucked in the ass"
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    You failed to click the link, didn't you ?
Click here every day to feed an animal that needs you today !!!
  Click to see the full signature.
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On Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:34:59 -0500, .p.jm@see_my_sig_for_address.com left spaces for comments ):

Too late, its been removed for a policy violation. Sounds like tub girl.
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.p.jm@see_my_sig_for_address.com wrote:

click that link and you may get a virus.....The clap. ;-)

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