Out of respect for basilisk's thread about his loss, I moved my off topic thoughts to a new thread.
I think it is pertinent information for most of us middle aged guys to be thinking of, so here is my response to LDosser's question. I would highly advise anyone that will be stuck with sorting out the legal details of their parents or loved ones (or maybe not so loved....) to have a talk with them to make sure these documents are in place.
My parents "fibbed" to me about having all of this done, and only had in their hands exactly what I had completed for them before. Doing all of this with old, tired and sick people makes this task a thousand times harder (and much more expensive) than it needs to be.
They still have to sign all the documents, and affidavits, so the big difference is that they have to understand all the details and ramifications of their affairs between illnesses, "down days", doctor's appts., physical and mental therapy, etc. All of it has to be done with brains that have been affected by cancer and chemo, strokes, diabetes, and the onset of dementia.
And now they have to pay to have the documents transported to them by the attorney for reviews ($$$) and witnessed by a non family member. I think the only ones sicker of this whole process than me is them.
Some of these documents go out of usefulness since their is new, preferred legal language. Some need to be replaced, some docs need to be updated. > A state approved, federally approved, or a form from Quickbooks Will Maker probably won't do it.
For example: The hospital that my folks like has a lot of seniors, so in turn have a lot of senior care doctors. BUT, having been sued by their patients enough times, they have their very own set of medical directives. These must be signed and witnessed before every procedure (in addition to the normal hospital disclaimers), and will be on file for 6 months. After that, new docs must be signed, as the hospital told me they aren't in the document archiving business. Additionally, their legal staffs update the forms on a routine basis so they want THEIR newest forms on file along with the state promulgated forms.
Another example is their nursing facility. They are part of a larger state sized chain, and they have their own documents that allow or disallow treatment. They DO NOT want either of them to die there on premises for any reason; with that in mind they have their own forms that are a rider to ours as long as they are on the premises. They cannot "pull the plug" or order any advanced medical treatment, but if either of my folks are ill they can call for transport and move them to a hospital immediately. And without specifying the hospital they want, they take a person to the one they want, even if they have never treated them and have no records there. They get them out as fast as they can to reduce liability.
****************************They have now have the following either executed or in process, and I would certainly recommend these to everyone that is "of age", whatever that might be, or to have these docs done on behalf of yourself:
- Do not resuscitate orders
- Medical directives to comply with state and local laws to allow for their care and assignment of ability to enact the DNR if they become comatose
- Medical Power of Attorney directives that allow commitment to permanent procedures on a treatment as well as monetary payment level
- Legal Power of Attorney assignment for certain aspects of their personal lives
- Durable Power of Attorney for everything else
- All monetary accounts now have a sibling on as cosigners for access
- A new/updated will (last one was 5 years old) that spells out their wishes
- Most importantly (at least from my standpoint) is a solid, written budget with a financial plan
Medicaid used to have a 3 year "lookback" to see about your eligibility for their services. It is now a whopping FIVE years, and if you don't plan well, it will bite you hard. My parents should have started planning years ago, but didn't. Now they live in fear that if they really need heavy medical care, it may not be available. Essentially, we must time the life of their assets to make sure they can continue to get care, but not too much or they won't be Medicaid eligible.
Now try to plan the medical future of a 84 year old man and woman. Make it more interesting by throwing in years of poor health.
So my folks are now starting their financial planning (something other than "saving money") now at the ages of 84 for him and 80 for her. Good job!
My Dad is now stuck trying to understand all the complicated information when he would rather be watching Matlock reruns. Worse, he now has to depend on others to make sure he gets what he wants, and he can't believe they charge for it. And he can't accept the fact that if the attorney changes a document or adds a codicil, there are additional charges incurred.
All in all, pretty miserable for everyone involved.
So again... if I could encourage any of you to get this done now for YOU and YOURS, I certainly will.
Robert