A Craigslist ad for a free mattress:
"Perhaps you like a firm sleeping surface, but are frowned upon for sleeping
on the floor. Think you can't find anything harder than hardwood? Try this
mattress! Don't waste your money on a "sleep number bed" with the firmness
turned all the way up. In time, the air in the mattress will start to leak
and the mattress will go soft. This mattress will NEVER go soft!"