OT: Abbott and Costello in the computer age


If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT:Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT:Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT:Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT:Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers! OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT : Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "w"?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)...
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"...
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Hey Groggy,
I'm more of a L&H fan, but this is really funny - especially if you are old enough to 'picture it'.
Thanks.
Lou

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Groggy said:

LMAO. I should have seen this already but I haven't till now! Sure beats trolls and spoiling for a fight... Thanks,
Greg G.
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Greg G. wrote:

Awesome that is so funny..........
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Good Groggy. I remember them well and can hear them doing this bit. Regards, Hank
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On Mon, 07 Nov 2005 00:38:10 -0600, Henry St.Pierre wrote:

Nothiing like a double feature Saturday matinee with Abbot & Costello plus Francis the talking mule. Great fun when I was 10 or 12 :-).
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Ah, Chill Wills and Donald O'Connor. Clint Eastwood got his start (I think it was his first movie role) in 'Francis joins the Navy'. He didn't shoot anybody and it didn't 'make his career'. Yeah, I remember the saturday matinees. Double feature, newsreel and a cartoon. Johnny Mack Brown, Rocky Lane, Wild Bill Elliot; Gene, Roy, Hoppy.
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On Tue, 08 Nov 2005 23:42:34 -0600, Henry St.Pierre wrote:

And don't forget the Cisco Kid :-).
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Larry Blanchard wrote: > And don't forget the Cisco Kid :-).
Yeah. He was a friend of mine.
--
Ron Hock
HOCK TOOLS www.hocktools.com
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On 11/9/2005 12:42 AM Henry St.Pierre mumbled something about the following:

Actually, 'Revenge of the Creature' (released same year as 'Francis joins the Navy' in 1955) would be considered Clint's first, he just wasn't credited (he was a lab tech). He actually was in 4 films that came out in 1955, the two previously mentioned films as well as 'Lady Godiva of Coventry' and 'Tarantula' (he was uncredited in both of these as well).
--
Odinn
RCOS #7 SENS BS ???
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Larry Blanchard wrote:

Must be nice to be young. Mine were mostly Gene Autry before his belly hung over the saddle horn, a few Roy Rogers, IIRC, pre Dale Evans, but maybe not, one or two Johnny Mack Brown, Mighty Mouse for the cartoons, and Lash LaRue on occasion. I remember a couple L&H and a couple A&C, but may have those mixed up with a later invention's title list. TV scrambled a lot of serials in my mind, with those Saturday morning radio car cops, and a host of others.
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Charlie Self wrote:

Oddly, I had a Gene Autry CD on earlier today. Silver Haired Daddy and Amapola always did it for me.     mahalo,     jo4hn
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This bit (actually there are quite a few different versions of it) shows up on
alt.binaries.sounds.radio.oldtime every week or so. If you have an Easynews or Giganews account, there is probably at least one version of it there.
Regards, Roy

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Groggy wrote:

Reminds me of my last phone call with my computer-inept brother-in-law.
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