Stop going to church and you can still go to heaven

[HammerBammer]

According to most religions, if you dont go to church you'll never go to heaven. But the truth is this: You dont have to go to church. The reason is that these days all churches have electricity, and the wires that supply the churches are the same wires that supply our homes. Rather than going to church, just grab one of those live wires in your home and you'll be connected to every church in your whole region. What better way to attend church than to attend ALL churches that are connected to those wires. Not only will you be guaranteed an eternity in heaven, but you'll go to heaven almost immediately.

[mm]

But aren't these wires connected to the pool halls and strip clubs too?

I know there are a lot of people in Home Depot on Sunday morning, and at hamfests.

[Colbyt]

No man. I am going to become a Muslim, blow things up and have many virgins in Heaven

[Harry]

You grab a 240V line, put the red wire in your asshole, black in your mouth, and wrap the white around your genitals. This gives faster and more reliable heaven entry.

After all, heaven IS reserved for the stupid :-)

[Harry]

Those virgins really hate their work (wouldn't you if you were being forced to do the same thing almost constantly, with no hope of change). This hatred spreads to all they have contact with.

[CJT]

That's their _first_ fallacy (of many).

>

[Stormin Mormon]

Wow! And to think I've wasted all this time at church when I could have been just hanging on to an electric wire? Thank you, again and again.

[Harry]

nd of course, American Catholics

That's just the "screen saver". The real place is a torture chamber :-)